Hey, I’m Superman — in My Fortress of Solitude
Or maybe my cabin is just encased in ice
At some point in the night, I heard the ice begin to fall. It began with an avalanche, I think, as God dumped a wheelbarrow full of ice onto my metal roof to really get things started. After that, it has been a steady, but quieter, downpour of ice or snow or sleet — something cold. It even sounds cold.
Power outages are expected — the ominous warning from the Weather Service and our local celebrity meteorologist Ryan Vaughn. If my power goes out, my main concern will be my tortoise. I’ll have to pack her into a pet carrier and take her next door to my sister’s house to sit in front of the fireplace. She won’t like it — they have dogs. My tortoise is terrified of dogs — they make her pee in terror.
The last time the power went out on a cold, winter’s day, I shoved the tortoise in my shirt, up against my skin. That’s another possibility, if the dogs are too much for her.
As you can imagine, the grocery stores were full of people stocking up on bread and milk the past couple of days. I didn’t buy either of those items, although I picked up a loaf of bread and considered it. “What would I do with bread?” I asked myself. I would have to buy stuff to go with it, and I just wasn’t feeling it. So I put the bread back and bought Pop-Tarts instead. Pop-Tarts seemed like a more logical choice.
I live in Northeast Arkansas, where no one knows how to drive in winter weather. Fortunately, I will be staying home today — the university where I work is closed. My car will be coated in ice, and I don’t even own an ice scraper. Normally, I just use my work ID to scrape my windshield when necessary.
I’m sure the ice will be beautiful, hanging on the trees like frosted glass. And maybe I’ll even appreciate it a little — unless I slip on my ice-coated deck and break myself. I have a walking stick I bought for hiking. I plan to take it with me when I go outside to check on the goats and chickens. Ice and snow are no fun for farmers. The goats will complain all day, and I’ll probably have to agree with them.
And then there’s the question of whether I should bother putting the trash can by the road. Will the trash men come today? Will the mail come today? Will the electric blanket I ordered from Amazon finally arrive? Today would be a good day for an electric blanket — but it’s now two days late, and I’m afraid it’s lost forever. I tracked it, so I know it actually arrived in Arkansas. It’s in a nearby town, or possibly on a mail truck, neither of which does me or my cats any good. We were looking forward to snuggling under an electric blanket.
Despite the inconveniences associated with an ice storm, I would have been disappointed if the winter storm advisory had been wrong. A day spent in my Fortress of Solitude is just what I need. I’m going to eat Pop-Tarts and read all day long. If I get cold, I’ll cuddle with cats (but without an electric blanket, dang it). Maybe I’ll write a poem about ice and quietude.
