I HATE OLD-AGE JOKES
But I Laugh at Old Age
You know what I mean: those greeting card jokes about everything from arthritis to sagging breasts to memory problems to impotence, with cartoons of old geezers looking like they are about to fart, fall, and pee just before dying. On the other hand, those of us who have reached the final leg of life’s journey have to laugh at old age. If we don’t, we’ll turn grouchy. Grumpy older people are dangerous. We have canes, and we know how to use them.
Old People Have Arthritic Knees
I have arthritis in my knees, especially my left knee. I feel this most keenly when I have been sitting for a long time, and I get up.
LEFT KNEE: Owwwwww!
ME: Shut up and stop hurting!
LEFT KNEE: Not until you sit down again!
I win, of course. I can’t spend my life sitting down. I have to do things such as answer the door, go to the bathroom, or go into the kitchen to get some coffee or feed the cat. My left knee curses at me for a minute, then finally gives in and allows me to walk without limping.
LEFT KNEE: Put some Ben Gay on me!
ME: No. Ben Gay stinks.
LEFT KNEE: So what? You’ll smell like an old lady.
