Snakes in the Office
What my boss doesn’t know won’t hurt her, right?
I’m always thrilled to see a snake. When I go for a walk down the gravel road I live on, I often see them basking in the sun or hear them slithering through the weeds along the shoulder of the road. I like the way they slither. I like their little faces.
They’re cute. I’m not saying I want to pick them up and cuddle them, but I like to look at them.
Most people don’t feel this way. In fact, some people think snakes are terrifying. My boss is one of those people. She can’t even stand to see a picture of a snake.
One of my co-workers is a snake breeder. She has over a hundred snakes in her house. She breeds them, sells them online, and ships them. Did you know you can ship snakes via FedEx? It involves putting a heat pack in with the little guys to keep them warm (I assume this isn’t necessary in the summer).
Recently, two things happened at work. First, because of gas prices, we have each taken a day to work from home. My boss now works from home on Tuesdays — which is crucial to this story. The other thing that happened is that the snake lady moved to a town that’s about an hour away, meaning she now has a long commute. When she lived in Jonesboro, where we work, she could run home after work, grab the snake she was going to ship, and make it to the FedEx shipping center in time to get the little danger noodle in the mail. Now, with her long commute, the best way for her to ship a snake is to bring it to work with her.
My boss has no idea this happens. On Tuesdays, the snake lady carries snakes tied in little cloth sacks up to the office. She keeps them in her office with her all day long. If one of the snakes pees in its bag, she takes it out of the bag and cleans it off. Yesterday — which was Tuesday — I walked into her office to tell her something. “Does it smell funny in here?” she asked me.
I sniffed. “Yeah, it smells a little weird.”
“My snake peed on me again. She got a little on my keyboard, too,” she said.
The truth is, I don’t care if she brings snakes to the office with her. My other co-worker has brought his dog a couple of times. Another co-worker brings her toddler from time to time — which is way worse than bringing a dog or a snake. He runs through the office like a tornado, leaving destruction in his wake.
But our director would care about the snakes. She would be horrified. And if one of them ever gets loose and ends up lost in the office somewhere, she will be really mad at me for not telling her that snake lady was bringing snakes to work. As Associate Director, it’s my job to be the boss when the boss is working from home. But I’m the kind of boss who simply shrugs when someone brings their pet to work. Besides, snakes are quiet — and cute. I’d rather have snakes in the office than toddlers any day.
