How Rapid Weight Gain Saved My Life

Imagine this…

One day you are taut, fit, alive and invigorated. You feel on top of the world.

Yet, imagine that the very next day, you have put on TWENTY plus pounds, and you feel liquid literally dripping down your spinal column from the back of your head down your neck.

Life changes.

I felt deeply humbled and scared, fearing for my life. But, looking back, I have come to realize is that it’s all about perspective, and I am eternally grateful that this happened.

WHY am I writing this?

Because this particular lesson has to do with our ideals of perfection.

Growing up, I had always wanted to be lean and mean like a Warrior. I was the oddball adolescent who bloomed early and awkwardly. I was not the pretty new girl in high school and I desperately wanted to change how I looked.

I felt determined to be this avatar of perfection. Perhaps it was the combination of too many magazines filled with airbrushed models mixed with heroic sci-fi films with extremely fit women wearing skin-tight suits.

So I decided to do whatever it took to actualize this dream of being “perfect”.

I began training my senior year of high school. I lost weight. I became active in a variety of endurance sports and learned about wellness and nutrition. I watched myself morph from the awkward overweight girl turn into the dream avatar I so desperately wanted to be.

Side note:

I wasn’t all that happy. Trying to maintain this elite level of fitness was excruciating. Mainly because I wasn’t taking the right approach.

When the illness took hold years later, I was actually acting and modeling. Everything I had been taught until this moment related to perceived beauty and what perfection “looked” like. I had incredible body shame growing up and working in this industry only solidified the limiting beliefs around what was natural, beautiful, and healthy.

I so desperately wanted to show up for the world the way I wished it to show up for myself. Don’t we all?

What I recognized in these very scary moments became profound.

I had to begin a journey through what was possibly the scariest rite of passage that we, as humans, encounter in this world. It requires a deep level of inner resiliency and grit.

I had to learn how to “love” myself.

And by taking this leap, I began to learn an entirely new mindset about what perfection really is, an illusion.

No amount of makeup or skin firming lotion will ever get you what you are truly seeking… a loving relationship with yourself.

The journey began with a single step. In what seemed to be a race for my life, I had to actually slow down, pause, reflect and dive in.

Years later, I can finally say that I love myself. And it’s the best feeling in the entire world.

If you are on the path or are curious to take the next step, there are plenty of guides out there that can teach you how to apply self-love practices.

But what I want to stress is that it’s always a personal experience, unique to who you are. Don’t worry about doing it “perfectly”.

Reach out, ask for help, dive into a good book, read a blog, attend a retreat, or simply sit in silence. The answer you are seeking is within. And I promise, if you do the work, it will be the best decision you will ever make in your life.

Thank you for reading.

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