Why I Held Back, And Why I Will Never Hesitate Again

It started last January.

I wrote a letter to myself that was out of this world and it scared me in a good way. If you know me, you will understand that I don’t shy at challenges or run from obstacles that come my way. So, for me to feel scared about this letter intrigued me to say the least.

The letter that gave me pause was the beginning of a major life pivot.

I happened to be staying with a friend in Westport, Connecticut, during the last days of January in 2016. Westport is such a lovely place, filled with the atmosphere of the ocean front beach town that we have come to grow and love, mixed with fabulous families and those who love the water (I love sculling, so seeing people row the river just makes my day). It is also a place of peace for me, mainly due to the person I had the privilege of staying with.

My friend who I was visiting, a super connector, shaman of sorts, and all around amazing woman and fabulous mother, held a micro retreat for women seeking to manifest their ideal year of 2016. Thankfully, I was asked to attend.

We began the retreat with a meditation,

and followed it with an exercise that had all of us writing a letter from our 2017 selves to our current 2016 versions of ourselves. Talk about stream of consciousness writing. What comes out of a letter like is quite revealing.

It didn’t stop there, as we also were challenged to create a vision board for the year, based on what we envisioned our lives to be and to reveal. I was open as a book and even wrote that what I envisioned to create in 2016 would turn into an international sensation overnight. That’s bold.

It doesn’t matter who you are, how affluent you are or where you hail from, that is simply a very bold statement. And to top it off, my vision board only corroborated what I had felt within the moment. I had some big shoes to fill!

And then the year began. . .

Not only did most of what I placed on my vision board come to fruition of sorts, but most of what I listed in my future letter to myself came true as well. I have to admit that it helped to open my vision board daily, even while traveling. They (whoever they are) often say to place your board where you can see it often. My guess is that it does a number on our psyches on a more subliminal level.

Well, I wouldn’t be writing this post if everything worked out. Here’s the catch.

I noticed how I hesitated a on the biggest version of my life’s wishes, the part of the letter that screamed at me daily, the dream of all dreams.

And so, I asked why?! Why am I holding back?

And as far as I could see, I think it’s partly because I didn’t know what I was actually creating just yet. But I also knew that there was something deeper at hand.

Thankfully, this year allowed me to gain quite a bit of clarity around my pursuits.

However, knowing what you want to create is only half the battle.

“Ideas are easy, implementation is hard.” ~ Guy Kawasaki

Guy hits the nail on the head. And I suspect that he knows what I have come to learn first hand.

One, most often we fear success more than failure. Despite thinking that we are ready for success, we actually don’t always feel worthy. This year proved that I had way more work to tackle on that front.

Two, it comes down to our belief systems (mainly limiting beliefs that are holding us back). If we believe we are ready for what we desire in life, we are. If we believe we are not worthy of receiving or actualizing what we want in our lives, then it just won’t happen.

So that’s what I worked on, my belief systems.

I knew I had to break them down and I did. I not only noticed my life open up to fortuitous opportunities that I can easily write a book about, but I also noticed that while working on these limiting beliefs and emotions attached to them, that I could become literally invincible.

“When the student is ready, the master will appear.” ~ Zen Proverb

I happened upon a course that proposed to help me master the art of living in flow (and to some they call it, “the zone”). It showed up at just the right moment.

I took it. And man, did I accelerate my efforts.

Sometimes we just have to be open to recognizing that we don’t know anything, or if we feel we know something, let’s try giving into the beginner’s mindset. THIS is where our superhero powers become evident. It’s when we let go and trust and take actions that stem from our highest excitement that we can actualize our fullest desires. It’s kinda magical.

During the process of taking this course and doing the “inner work”, not only did I pivot my life radically, I watched friends, habits, and situations fall away that no longer served me. And most importantly, I began to recognize just how truly powerful I was.

So in conclusion, here’s what I noticed about why I hesitated. . .

I held back because I didn’t feel I was worthy of the success I wrote about in my letter from my 2017 self.

Why will I never hesitate again? Well that’s easier to say now… I now KNOW that I am more than worthy of accepting the help, the allies, the resources and the abundance that comes from pursuing my vision and dreams.

Thankfully, I have gotten out of my own way for the most part, and I only seem to attract limitless possibilities. I recognize that this adventure is far from over, but now I feel confident moving forward because I have developed a strong foundation to build upon.

Feel free to contact me if you wish to connect on a more personal level. I am happy to listen to how YOUR story changed the moment you realized the only thing stopping you from limitlessness was yourself.

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