SELF-IMPROVEMENT
Grief: The Loyal Companion to Love
Finding Meaning in Loss.
“You will lose someone you can’t live without,and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly — that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.” — Anne Lamott
As much as we may try to avoid it, grief is an emotion that will inevitably touch all our lives at some point.
Whether through death or other forms of separation, a loss is a part of life that we cannot escape. And yet, society often places a stigma on grief, expecting us to “move on” in a particular timeline. This pressure to conform only further complicates the already complex grieving process.
Perhaps by embracing the universality of grief, we can create more space for open and honest discussions about mourning the losses in our lives.
Grief may be painful, but it is a crucial part of being human.
I’ve been listening to a podcast by Anderson Cooper called “All There Is,” which has been very moving. I recommend listening to it if you want to dig deeper into this.
Grief is the main topic, Anderson lost his dad when he was 10, then lost his older brother, who died by suicide, and then he recently lost his mother. The podcast is about Anderson going through everything his mother left him and his grief process.
The human experience is complex, and while we each have our own experience, we share a few things in common; one of those things is grief.
We will all lose loved ones at some point in our lives, and there will be endings we will suffer, whether dead or something else.
If we can manage our grief healthily, we can accept the pain of losing loved ones and honor their lives. We may find comfort in knowing that our grief is part of a universal experience shared by others and that it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with us or that we should try to “move on.”
Grief is another aspect of what makes us human. While it may be painful, it helps shape who we are as individuals.
The Stages of Grief
The grieving process is often broken down into stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. While these stages are not always experienced in this order or to this degree, they provide a general framework for understanding the complex emotions that come with grief.
It’s important to note that there is no “right” way to grieve; everyone experiences and copes with loss in their way. The important thing is to allow yourself the time and space to grieve in whatever way feels right for you.
- Denial is often the first stage of grief. This is when we try to convince ourselves that the loss hasn’t happened or isn’t as bad as it seems. We may try to find ways to rationalize what has happened to make it easier to cope with. For example, if a loved one dies, we may tell ourselves they are “in a better place.”
- Anger can be a natural response to grief, as it is a way to express our feelings of powerlessness and helplessness. We may feel frustrated with ourselves or others for being unable to prevent the loss somehow.
- As we move through the grieving process, we often begin bargaining with ourselves or another person. This is when we try to make a deal to reduce our pain. For example, if you are grieving over the loss of your mother, you might promise that you will stop drinking or smoking if she returns to life.
- Depression may be one of the most challenging stages. We may feel sad and hopeless or even numb to our emotions. This is often when we need support from others, whether it comes to sharing our experiences with friends or finding a therapist to help us work through our feelings.
- Acceptance does not mean that we are “over” our emotional pain; instead, it means that we have found ways to cope with our loss. It might take time and ongoing effort. For example, journaling about your feelings and memories of loved ones can provide an outlet for the emotions you are struggling with.
The Language of Grief
Grief is a complex and often harrowing experience. Still, it can also be a powerful force that helps us connect with others on a deeper level.
For many people, grief is expressed through the “language of grief” — the subtle cues, gestures, and actions that help us share our experiences and connect with those grieving.
One example of this language of grief might be found in the tradition of sharing memories at memorial services or funerals. We are celebrating their lives and connecting with others by sharing personal stories about our loved ones. We may find comfort in knowing that we are not alone in our sorrows and struggles.
Another common expression of grief is the ritual of wearing black after a loss. While this practice may seem somber or even depressing, it can be a powerful way to acknowledge and honor our losses. It can also help us feel more connected to grieving others — those we know and strangers suffering. More recently, some people have started to wear white or other colors to symbolize their grief, but the underlying intention and meaning are often the same.
At its core, the language of grief is all about reaching out to others and finding connections in times of sorrow. Whether through sharing stories or offering a kind word or gesture to someone struggling, we can help each other heal from the pain of loss and move forward on our journey toward acceptance and healing.
As we move through the grieving process, we must seek support and connection from others. We can find comfort and healing through sharing our experiences or connecting with those who have experienced similar losses.
By honoring our loved ones through our words, actions, and expressions of sorrow, we can come together to support each other as we navigate this difficult journey.
So if you are struggling with loss, remember that there is no wrong way to grieve — and that the power of community can help us find resilience and hope in even the darkest moments.
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I published this article in my Substack´s Newsletter, “Beyond Two Cents.” on October 14th, 2022.
© Alejandro Betancourt, 2022. All Rights Reserved.
