How to Have a Difficult Conversation
Most of us hate to have that dreaded difficult talk because we don’t want confrontations. We hate the awkwardness and we don’t like to offend and we avoid being offended. We don’t try to have ‘that’ conversation because we assume that saying what we feel will ruin the relationship. We are afraid that the other person will misunderstand and it will lead to distance or separation.
However, when we value someone, we should prioritize intentional and good communication. If there’s something wrong that’s bothering our mind, it’s better to talk about it, even if it might lead to disagreements. Clarity is such a rare thing these days, and it shouldn’t be, because clarity is important. Clarity dissipates doubts and assumptions.
It’s better to be clear than to assume without knowing the truth. Difficult conversations are hard to initiate, but it will save you the agony of overthinking. Difficult conversations might be uncomfortable, but if you communicate well, it might lead to your peace of mind.
The first step is to find out your intention. Determine what is the problem and how you can carefully address it together through good communication. Your goal will be your guide so that the conversation will hopefully go well. When you know what you want to say and why you need to say it, it’s easier for you to begin the conversation.
Ask advice from trusted family or friends if you are struggling in finding the right words. Some people have a hard time on what to say because not all of us are good with verbal communication. If you have people whom you trust that can help you, you can confide in them to give you pointers on how the flow of the conversation should be.
Initiate with calmness. Do not be harsh. If you are coming from a place of anger, try your best not to let your emotion lead the conversation. It’s easy to be carried away by what we feel, and that makes it hard for us to see the point or listen to the person we are talking to. Sometimes we emotionally explode and then walk away. If that happens, nothing is resolved. Do not let the conversation be emotionally driven.
A good conversation, even in disagreements, aims to listen, not just to prove a point. When we talk, it should not be just about what we feel or what we think. Remember your intention. Remember your goal. You are here to clarify and fix the relationship. Keep that in mind. Listen while trying to be heard.
Be honest. Sometimes it’s hard to speak the truth because we don’t want to cause anyone pain. Yet, if we really care about the other person, we would tell them what is true, even if we find it difficult. No one wants to be lied to. Speaking the truth to someone is always speaking with love because we tell the truth to those we love.
Accept the result. It’ll be great if things go according to what you thought it should be. However, if you have tried your best to make the conversation smooth while tackling some issues, and listened with consideration to what the other person feels, yet it still didn’t end the way you want to, it’s okay. We talk to people to communicate with them, not to make them agree with us all the time or control how they act or what they say. We decided to talk to them because we care about them, ourselves, and our relationships.
Sometimes the result will not be favorable. If that happens, tell yourself that it’s okay, you’ve done your part with all your best. This way, you can live with no regrets. Accept the result, move past it, and live with the lessons learned.
