Seven Tips to Overcome Learning Barriers From an Ex-School Counselor

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Parenting can be hard. I was a part of a three person behavioral health team in an American inner city public school with the school’s psychologist and social worker. My students were most often the ones who have made it, or are capable of making it, unsafe at worse and chaotic at best for everyone else in their vicinity.

I was the buffer between these students and the rest of the school. I don’t have children but here’s what I learned, most of us, myself included, weren’t equipped with the proper tools to raise anyone if we’re totally honest. The way that we compensate for that is by learning everything we can and applying it. We see what works and what doesn’t and keep what proves to be effective. Here are 7 tips that I’ve seen work and that I hope you find effective:

1. Change your child’s diet. So maybe you’ve heard this before…No sugar, blah, go vegan, blah, processed food, blah. But really. I’ll spare you the diatribe. There are enough documentaries and blog posts and even news reports about the harm that the wrong food can do to your adult body let alone your child’s. As above so below. If you can’t find the discipline to avoid sugar, processed foods, too much wheat and other foods that make it more difficult for your body and therefore your brain to function at optimum capacity, then how can you possibly expect your child to take discipline seriously. Your mind employs your body so your cravings should not dictate your child’s diet. Make it a family affair. You can make quality meals in less than 30 minutes and it’s cheaper to eat at home anyway. If you must eat out, HappyCow.com has tons of healthy options no matter where you live. A brownie made with coconut flour, bananas, coconut sugar and dark chocolate will satisfy any sweet tooth with significantly less sugar than other treats that we give children too often.
2. Ask. Listen. Implement. Never be ashamed to ask the burning question…Have you ever heard of a kid doing…? No matter how outrageous or egregious their behavior seems to you, your child is not a solo act and other people’s children are not perfect. Check within your own circle. There are only six degrees between you and a solution, Google included. Here are a few sites that are credible and give empirical advice. If your child is experiencing severe to midrange issues check out www.kidsmentalhealth.org, www.anxioustoddlers.com, or send an email to resourcefinder@kennedykrieger.org. For mild to midrange issues try www.therelaxedhomeschool.com or www.educationandbehavior.com. Read up on new techniques; learn about different diagnoses and ways to overcome them. The advice may require a paradigm shift on your part so go with it! Follow your instincts but be beyond open to adjustments. Many times it may seem counterintuitive but we’re specialists.
3. This tip is the most difficult. Increase quality time. For the working parent it’s a daunting task and for the stay at home or homeschooling parent, that may be the last thing you think they need (or that you want). However, it’s a major component in creating a space for your child to nourish and balance their desire to please you and their desire to be independent entities. A good place to start is turning off the TV and playing some non-educational, sensory oriented games. Twister or Charades are always crowd favorites. Your child needs to see you outside of your role as teacher and authoritarian. Generally speaking, you are larger than life to them but that doesn’t help when all you want is for them to stop yelling. You need empathy and respect not irritable pliability or worse quivering acquiescence. Always at the forefront of your child’s mind should be that caring for them is a team effort and requires work. Find a way to get on their level without compromising parental boundaries. Games are awesome ways to facilitate relatability and camaraderie between you and your child.
4. Set clear expectations. Make a schedule and a behavior chart, with clear written consequences, and stick to it. If you need to change the schedule or the consequences, don’t dismiss your child’s right to know ASAP and respond. Create these with your child so that they are an active part of the process even down to designing the chart and having input on the rewards and consequences. Let them invest in what’s happening. Make it measurable. If your child has a bad temper then for every 3 times he/she loses it, they get 7 minutes of quiet meditation time. Keep it simple and make your charts visible. A behavior chart, some stickers, and a few clear cut goals, rewards and consequences will transform most children in a matter of weeks, maybe even days.
5. Use all of the crayons in the crayon box! What I mean by this is engage each of your little genius’ multiple intelligences (see http://fundersandfounders.com/9-types-of-intelligence/). Every child has different strengths and learning styles. Studies have demonstrated that students who engage in a more kinesthetic, mixed medium style of learning do better with academic activities, learn to self-monitor more effectively, and are more adept at understanding larger concepts than students who don’t. This is a good comprehensive article about the benefits of engaging students in different ways, (http://www.ascd.org/publications/educational-leadership/sept97/vol55/num01/Integrating-Learning-Styles-and-Multiple-Intelligences.aspx ). You want your child to think critically and creatively. The blog Kindergarten and Mooneyisms, has a great chart that categorizes which basic actions are categorized under each type of intelligence (http://kindermooney.blogspot.com/2012/10/multiple-intelligences-in-classroom.html). Between Pinterest and Google, there are literally thousands of fun ideas that you can plan to stimulate those little brain cells. Children have the most active brains on the planet. Take advantage of this time and help them grow into blissfully intelligent, well rounded human beings.
6. Spend more time observing them in their learning environment. Don’t participate. Don’t assist. Just sit, preferably in the back of the classroom, quietly. Show your baby that their education is extremely important to you. Let them know that you are interested in not just the result of their academic progress but the process as well. For parents that homeschool, try a more Montessori type approach. Allow your child to learn independently for a day or two. If this isn’t already your style, alternate it with this approach. Show them that you trust them to learn on their own and build their confidence and interest in their own abilities and education.
7. Lead by example! Let your child watch you learn something new. Struggle with it. Get it wrong. Laugh about it. Get frustrated too. The point is to show them that learning can be so many different things from exasperating to amazing but that it is always worth it! So pick up that new hobby that you’ve been thinking about for the past few months and chit chat about this and that while you try to make a three tier Frozen cake with homemade fondant lol. Your child will get a genuine kick out of seeing you in such a vulnerable position and you’ll have fun too.

Bonus Tips*

*Use unconditional positive regard. If you’re not already doing it, start today. Your child needs to know that learning when you’re involved occurs within a safe space. We all make mistakes and what’s important is to focus on the solution. Unconditional positive regard never attacks even when it corrects.

*The forced choice. This is an elementary school counselor and teacher’s dream. For example: Your child wants ice cream for an afternoon snack. Your response is not that they can’t have ice cream but that they can have avocado toast or a banana shake. Don’t budge and watch it work. IF this is your first time, a tantrum may ensue, let it run its course and wait patiently. Once a choice is made, honor it quickly and without resentment. This method has been successful in some of the most extreme situations.