So Now You’re a “House Husband”
A Guide for Men Who’ve Become Domestic Engineers
Years ago when I was a man, I owned three motorcycles and a convertible. I played poker, played sports, and modeled my life after Lewis and Clark and Errol Flynn. That man is now a memory.
Due to circumstances beyond my control, I’ve been thrust into a domestic role that requires stamina, endurance, and patience — qualities no real man possesses.
In the good ol’ days, my wife commandeered the house, and raised our two children, while I went to work. Revolutionary, but it worked.
Now I run the house (or does it run me?). In the beginning, I was giddy and delusional with ideas of leisure and freedom. No more bosses. No more alarm clocks. The children are grown and my time is finally my own. WRONG!
Within 48 hours, I learned the only certain thing in life is not Death and Taxes, it’s Laundry and Dishes (Benjamin Franklin must have had a maid). It’s similar to your unemployed Uncle — there every day and never going away.
Venting is easy and I can pontificate until the laundry hits the ceiling. I’m writing this to inform you you’re not alone. Those of you lying in a “fetal position” in a cluttered closet must realize there’s light at the end of the messy hallway.
Remember? Everything is temporary. EVERYTHING. Rise, find your spine and begin preparing for battle.
There will be good days and bad days. Many times I’ve seen a pile of laundry grow before my very tired eyes and laugh. Laughter is often heard from another room; that’s the dishes. Never panic.
Everything will be there tomorrow, so tomorrow you’ll divide and conquer. Having a “defeated day” is acceptable, but a fine line must be drawn between laziness and defeat.
Laziness leads to frustration, then anger. If this occurs, you’ve lost.
The key to retaining your manhood is dignity. Do all your chores with a smile, and you will be triumphant. Children learn from example, so smile when taking out the garbage (even if the bag breaks).
If neglect and anger get the best of you, so will the piles. If laziness occurs, your dwelling will have piles resembling the pyramids. Keep the piles to a minimum.
Cooking. Do not cook every meal. You may enjoy cooking (I don’t) but if you prepare every meal you will eventually crash and burn. Even if you’re an ultra-human super being, a mess will always remain. Utensils all need to be washed and put away. Good luck with that every day.
Find yourself some good “take out.” Chinese and Mexican are sufficient, and avoid “fast food” as much as possible.
Next, reward yourself. Treat yourself to a beverage (or beverages), sugar, your favorite program, whatever assists your relaxation.
Occasionally, you may experience anxiety. This is normal.
Interrupted sleep, bills, the chuckling of the laundry and dishes lead to stress. Stress leads to a doctor’s visit. It’s simply not worth it.
When I feel overwhelmed, I recall my doctor’s visit, and suddenly things aren’t so dire.
Sleep. Very important. You’re probably experiencing an unorthodox sleeping pattern, and that’s normal. If unexpectedly awakened, can you return to your dormancy? It may take me 30 to 60 minutes to return to Slumberland, but when I do, it is always beneficial.
You’re running a household and you can’t get sick. If you’re one of those people who, once awake stays awake, you’re working too hard. You’re a candidate for illness. Try doing chores with a runny nose and sore throat. I’ve never experienced this, because I go back to sleep.
It’s never too late to learn. Lie back down, close your eyes, and think happy thoughts.
Also naps are essential. I take a 20 to 30 minute nap following dinner, and I wake up refreshed, ready to complete the night shift. Sleep is imperative.
There you have it. Shared knowledge. Life is how quickly you adapt to change.
So go forth domestic knights.
Exhibit courage. You’re still you. This is temporary. You’ll be back. As for whatever became of that man who was spontaneous, adventurous, and fun, he’s in the other room doing the dishes.
