Super Powers & Shadow Powers. Know Thyself.
I believe everyone has at least one Super-Power. It’s that dazzling thing you do which simply emerges from the deepest parts of who you are. Super-Powers stem from your strengths, yet are also embedded in your personal values. As others marvel, you tend to shrug them off as no big deal. Yet, exercising them feels totally energizing.
What are your Super-Powers?
I think it’s important to know what they are and understand how they work, because many Super-Powers have a dark, shadowy side that emerges when we wield them poorly. I think of these as our “Shadow-Powers.”
I have a deep passion for helping people discover and step into their best self. The types of conversations that catalyze those things are exhilarating to me. As a trained coach I have a few skills, but just like your Super-Powers, this one really emanates from someplace deeper — my curiosity and endless optimism about what “could be” for someone else.
But I don’t always handle this power well.
Just the other night we were sitting around our dining room table listening to a friend open up about a long-standing vocational dream. I was captivated. This dream had been pushed aside — for years! He’s mulling it. His eyes are dreamy and wistful. He’s a little scared to think about it. I know this is where magic happens.
I’m all in. I start asking probing questions trying to create more space for him to dream and imagine what “could be.” I’m fixated on his every move and gesture, watching his eyes dart and dilate. I’m straining to feed him line to go deeper.
But in this state of flow, I’ve lost track of everything else — of everyone else. While the others are enthusiastic about his exploration, they’ve taken a backseat to the conversation. The one-on-one volley has inadvertently quelled their voices.
And, of course, the one that typically gets the most brashly quelled is the voice I cherish the most: my wife’s. We both love this kind of play, but I’m so focused on what I’m doing I brush her aside. I see her deflate. And there it is: my Shadow-Power.
Super-Powers, by definition, are supposed to contribute to and improve the world around us. But when they’re poorly deployed, they bruise spectacularly. This is why deep awareness of the ways our Super-Powers show up can help us understand how to pull more rabbits and fewer lions out of our hat.
Recently, I was leading an executive team through a discovery session of strengths. It began with individual assessments using Gallup’s StrengthsFinder tool. One person was embarrassed to share that their top strength was “Competition.” As she reflected on her younger years, she was very aware of her winner-take-all pattern and she had worked tirelessly to leave that behind. She half-joked she had been outed by Gallup and wanted to retake the assessment!
But her colleagues protested: “you are the one who never stops pushing the bar higher for everything we do around here. The standard of excellence we all strive for stems from your insistence that we can and should win in this work we’ve set out to do. You don’t compete against us; you instill a competitive spirit within us!”
As that truth sank in, you could see a new sense of self-realization wash over her. Her natural competitiveness had been cultivated into a mature expression of breeding excellence. A Super-Power — intentional, cultivated, impactful.
Can you recognize your Super-Powers? Do you have someone that can help you articulate and hone them? What can trigger the shadow-side?
The more clearly you understand these things, the more consistently you can wield your greatness — to your personal joy and the benefit of everyone around you.
Dan Parodi is a badge-carrying executive coach. He writes on topics that emerge from client calls or related reflections to encourage others to pause and recalibrate. It’s easy to get distracted from the life-path we want, so hopefully these trigger deeper, personalized consideration…and maybe action?
