A New Year is It?
It was heavy. It was light but it was new. It was a little old but it was exciting. It was maybe too sad, but it was the happiest one could have asked for. But most of all it was empty.
We go throughout all our lives to fill that little empty spot. We make these goals thinking that will fill up that final spot but we try way too hard and it never gets filled up. It's been a while since I have written anything I mean I did write some things but they were never meant to be read by anyone so they never bloomed. While writing them I might have thought of copying and pasting them and sending them away to be read but the realization only occurs when the deed is done so it never left its nest.
But why does this need to be set free? Is it because it's the end of the year or is it because it's the start of a new year? It could be just an epiphany. But there are always some things better left unsaid and some things to be said at the right moment because if in both cases the opposite happens it becomes a mess. But Fatima, how can one know what to say and what to not? How can one know what's right or what's a mistake? How? Do you answer the question of how?
And just like Lily from HIMYM said, “You cannot know it's a mistake unless you make that mistake. “ And most of us have always lived our lives mistake-free, we have been so careful that we think about every step we take.
So, you cannot know anything unless you take a step without thinking. So, don’t think just do!
But what to do after you took that step without thinking and you made the mistake and now you feel, feel!
“ You own that mistake and stay put! “
That's too out there, right? It's not the right answer. So what could it be?
From what I have understood, there is no answer. I mean there is one and everyone seems so sure that they have found the answer but trust me nobody knows anything, we all are still in search of the right answers but there is this thing called ego, and it kills us all. We all believe that what we go through, our traumas only happen to us. We believe nobody other than us could go through what we as an individual went through because “ it is I who have seen the worst than the lot”
I mean it's so funny that even in a thing like this we are so egoistic that we must win at going through the worst things possible. So, we go around telling other people the things we think we know are right and somehow several people know and then eventually it's a motivational quote. I mean who are these people who decide whether it should be a motivational quote or a load of crap.
Sorry this was supposed to be a new year wrap or something along the lines but the truth and going in search of answers is pretty darn scary. Although, wait it's not scary, it might look scary if the foundation we were raised in or at was shaky or not made of concrete truths. I mean we were told to be nice because it goes a long way but we were never told how to be nice or when to stop. Or that we were told that life gets easier and that problems go away. But we were never told the truth that life is hard and will always be hard because if it weren’t we would be in paradise. Why do we hide the obvious truths? you know what when truth hits us it looks scary to us so we decided that truths are scary! See, the whole foundation is shaky. So, truths aren’t scary they are just truths. simple!
But is it possible to rebuild that foundation, Let me rephrase, is it easier to break down your walls and rebuild them back again? Sure it is possible but nothing like that is ever easier and when you think rebuilding it would make it completely new that’s where you are wrong again! Because logically even when you break down a building, you re-build it again even with a new foundation, and a new base floor. What you forget is that your new floor is built over the old one so you cannot just get away from it. You can never break your roots they are imprinted on you and will always stay. See another truth which is just a truth in itself.
We are conditioned to run away from the truths, the most obvious ones and the very inevitable ones. We ran away way too far and whenever we want to route ourselves back we get caught up with doubt and guilt. And when we do find an inch of the truth we get so scared because it's scary for us now that we enroute ourselves back to running away again.
“It was hard when I wanted to know the things that I wanted to know. It's even harder now to know the things that I wanted to know. It's better not knowing somethings sometimes.”
Sometimes we ran away, way too far and then the way back home seemed blurry but again are you sure it was blurry? It could have just been a cloud hovering waiting to rain to get things clearer but you didn’t wait and you moved farther away.
Then guilt and doubt meet you again!
“ Half of my problems exist because I don’t have teleportation powers”
