America on the Ropes
Dispatches from the Trump Administration
In 2019 reports emerged that Trump Administration officials frequently ignored orders from the President. These leaked files document some of the phone calls between President Trump and his top officials.
July 16, 2019 — President Donald Jefferson Trump was on the phone to Jerome Powell, Chair of the Federal Reserve.
“Hello, Mr. President. Look, I can’t get you on the $2 bill. That’s Thomas Jefferson. I told you before you went through with it that changing your middle name wouldn’t…”
“Okay, okay, I get it. I’m not calling about that this time. I want some more currency with my face on it, can you get that for me?”
“Really! We’re busy here! I gave you three hundred notes with your face on them last week! They’re useless you understand? They’re not legal tender. What do you do with these notes!?”
“Listen, Jerome. Steve Bannon told me if I became President I could print money, OK! Now, I’m the President, I beat crooked Hilary even though all the filthy media were against me. They all said she was going to win. They said Donald Jefferson Trump would fizzle out like the good vibes at a family reunion, or a cigarette left dormant in an ashtray folks!”
“You know Bill Clinton, great guy by the way, but he had sex with that woman, he said he didn’t, but he did! So now I’m the President and I want those notes. I’ve got my finger on the big red button Jerome! Could be a fantastically bad explosion folks, really fantastically bad!”
“Calm down Mr. President. Do you realize that if you launch nuclear weapons the whole world, including your Trump towers and hotels, will go up in flames? Am I making myself clear, sir? And who are these “folks” you keep referring to, only you and I are on this call, sir.”
“I know about nuclear, believe me, my Uncle was into the nuclear. Good guy, my Uncle. He didn’t speak to me whilst I was a child, Daddy told him not to, but when I was older he told me about the nuclear. Told me it was bad, OK, totally incredibly bad folks. Could really mess things up!”
“The North Korean guy has some, nice guy, we get along great. Everybody said we wouldn’t get along. I called him Little Rocket Man which he didn’t like so much but now we’re friends. He’s got a lot of money by the way, all with his face on Jerome!”
“Mr. President.”
“Finger on the button, Jerome.”
“I’ll get you the money, OK, just take it easy.”
