America on the Ropes 2
Homeland Security
In 2019 reports emerged that Trump Administration officials frequently ignored orders from the President. These leaked files document some of the phone calls between President Trump and his top officials.
January 18, 2018 - President Donald J. Trump was on the phone with Secretary of Homeland Security, Chad Wolf.
“Where’s Obama?”
“He’s having dinner with his wife in a restaurant on Martha’s Vineyard, Mr. President.”
“Issue an executive order demanding that restaurant close immediately.”
“Yes, sir.”
“And announce a book burning. All copies of Dreams from my Father to be incinerated at my next rally.”
“Including your own copy, sir?”
“No, I haven’t had it read to me yet. I’ve heard his father abandons him, must be great, really really fantastic.”
“OK, sir, anything else?”
“Where’s Hilary?”
“She’s deleting her emails, sir.”
“Lock her up. What about Jimmy Carter? Is he on Rushmore? I should be on Rushmore. Can you get me on Rushmore?”
“Carter’s not on Rushmore, sir. He’s working on his peanut farm.”
“Introduce a new tax on peanuts and commission a study to announce that peanuts are worse than cigarettes. We’re bringing back cigarettes, OK. I don’t smoke, my brother told me not to, great guy my brother — but America was great back when everybody smoked.”
“Of course, sir.”
“What about Rushmore? Are we any closer to getting me on Rushmore? I’ll replace Reagan.”
“President Reagan is not on Rushmore, sir.”
“Is Rushmore the highest mountain in America? I’m making America great again, you wouldn’t believe the mess we were in folks.”
“Denali is the highest mountain in the U.S., sir.”
“Denali!? What kind of a name is that?”
“It’s the Native American name sir.”
“The Native Americans should’ve remained in the 14th century, believe me. I like ‘em, they’re great people, but they’re not sending their best, I’ve seen them, OK folks, long way from Geronimo! Build that wall!
Ok, issue an executive order, Denali is now called Mt. Trump, get a bust of me chiselled up there.”
“Yes, sir.”
