THE ART OF GROVELING

Dear Mr. President

Thank you, thank you, thank you

Donald Trump dressed up like King Henry VIII. / Wikimedia Commons, Public Domain

Dear Mr. President,

Thank you.

Thank you for being you!

When I visit you, I will come in my best suit. Your upright behavior truly inspires suits and ties. I will come dressed to the nines. Even if you want to scarf down a Big Mac in front of me, I will remain the embodiment of posh.

Sir Donald.
Lord Donald.
King Donald.

And let me also thank your assistant, JD Vance. What a stand-up guy, this kid is. I see such potential in his chubby cherub cheeks. This handsome young man doesn’t scream cat lady one bit.

I like my vice presidents not to be cat ladies, don’t you?

I’m glad we’re agreed on this.

Before we continue, have I thanked you yet?

Thank you. I mean it —

THANK YOU!

Now, let’s go over all of the ways you are far superior to your predecessor, Joe Biden. Joe Biden is —

1. A Dickhead.
2. Old.
3. Corrupt.