Demise.
Another decision was made and another regretful phase began.
You are in that phase, where you constantly shame yourself for something you shouldn’t have done. You are cursing yourself even though you know you shouldn’t and in the end, guilt is what you are surrounded with from everywhere and all around. You are like that flower that when it blossoms dies the very next week. Why? Because the gardener forgets to water it, that flower puts all its faith in him, and then one day he forgets that it still needs care which repeats again and again.
You play the blame game with such efficiency that you deny the fact that you are a pro at it. You don’t blame others, here you blame yourself because that’s the easiest and most competent thing you find at that moment of regret. It’s not them it’s you, am I right? It’s that moment of demise where you find everything as a regret sometimes yourself as well.
Regret and demise are not the kind of words that can be perpetuated as similar words, because obviously, it does not have similar synonyms and definitions. Regret is a feeling of disappointment; it’s when you feel guilty about something you have done. It has similar words like; lamentation, remorse, or self-condemnation but it is in no way similar to the word “demise”. Why?
Demise literally means death; it means passing away or dying. Now we all agree that these two have no connection with each other at all. Right?
Logical: so, now the question is why you used these words while describing your moment.
Pessimist: you used those words even though you know that there is no connection between them because that is exactly how you felt.
You see I made the decision of using those words because for me that moment of regret is actually a moment of demise. You will ask why? So, here’s why? For us, death/demise is connected with the death of a person but for me, there is more to me. Here I used it metaphorically to explain how I feel. Here death does not literally mean death it’s just a feeling. So, the definition of my moment of demise or the word demise itself is that when the feelings of trust, co-dependence, faith, and every other thing I believed in have vanished. That is what I meant by demise because it feels like death to me and that is why I regretted the decision I made and the courage I took.
After everything was shed tiny little pieces resulted in droplets of water. I made another one, one more decision, one more commitment but not with others but myself again. Like every other time, because believe me it wasn’t the first time. I made the promise of never letting anything shed ever again. But a part of me knew that this promise would not be kept and it was true. Because it was never kept, even though the warning was made from the inside. It knew I would regret but I did it anyway.
It’s our own expectations that lead us to the moment of regret/demise.
