Does it Take a Lot to Understand a New Mother?
Let me begin from the beginning.
By the grace of God, I had a more or less uneventful pregnancy and an even smoother C-section operation. I was relieved and happy that I had delivered a healthy child, and that I too was doing well after my surgery.
Strangely, on an emotional level as well, I was doing pretty steady. Not like how they show up in movies.
Of course, I was happy, but not overwhelmed because I was not tearing up or anything. (Please don’t judge me for not shedding a tear.)
Maybe the epidural had worked on my emotions as well. Who knows…
I know it sounds strange, but somehow the gravity of the situation hadn’t dawned upon me yet.
Maybe because, in the hospital, everything was being taken care of while I was lying on the bed. I had nothing to worry about.
But something inside me was signaling that pretty soon things are going to be “oh so naturally overwhelming.”
I was just bracing myself.
The tornado hits you hard
Eventually, I came back from the hospital.
The very well-known rollercoaster began.
Soon the terms “night” and “day” had lost their meanings and my husband and I seemed to be awake around the clock.
Some said, “Sleep when the baby sleeps”. It was easier than done, believe me.
The moment you close your eyes, your little bundle of joy would wake up crying after urinating to her heart’s content.
I don’t know how, but my daughter had a knack for having perfect timing in all these cases and we were barely surviving on a couple of hours of shut-eye.
One of our friends had visited us, and he had asked me how it felt like to be a new mom.
My answer to him was, “It was as if we had been gifted a beautiful toy but without the instruction manual.”
Partly, it was my fault. Want to know why?
Well, before going in for my surgery I had educated myself a lot about pregnancy, morning sickness, vaginal delivery, c-section delivery, and many other things related to pregnancy.
So you see, I had read about more or less everything that was there about childbirth and never went through the details relating to the child after birth.
Although no amount of reading can prepare you for the journey with your baby, it is good to know certain things ahead of the birth of your child.
You should know that a newborn can urinate even 15–20 times a day and it is perfectly normal.
I didn’t know, and that is exactly what my daughter did. So you can imagine my confusion when this happened.
Panic and more questions
All first-time parents are in panic mode 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
Nothing is normal for them. The moment my daughter would cry, I would panic, thinking about what was wrong with her and not willing to understand that it was the only form of expression she knew at that time.
The first few weeks of motherhood are tough.
No amount of reading parenting books or scrolling through Google can provide any solace. I was sleep-deprived and confused, and people were bombarding me with bits of advice all the time.
On top of that, they would expect me to have answers about my daughter, forgetting that I am a “new mom”.
Someone would ask, “You just fed her; why is she crying now?”, and would expect me to have an answer.
How the hell would I know? Did I hear her cry when she was growing up in my womb?
Plus, I was adjusting to breastfeeding, recovering from a major surgery myself, and dealing with tremendous physical pain as it is.
Sometimes I would think, “How the hell do people talk about motherhood being a beautiful journey?”
I was always tired and stressed, and I looked hassled all the time. Which so-called beautiful part of my motherhood journey was I missing?
These questions would eventually give birth to a sense of guilt within me. I would think, “Will I not be a good mom?”
My love-hate breastfeeding relationship
Now comes the breastfeeding part.
Yes, I had heard that breastfeeding is very natural and a beautiful feeling. I do agree with it too. But this agreement came after many days.
It was a hell of a lot more painful initially.
When my daughter sucked my nipple, it would hurt.
As a matter of fact, you might get bitten even if your infant is toothless. And I can say this from personal experience.
At times, I would be driven to cry during my initial breastfeeding sessions.
Some would say my breasts were not generating adequate milk. (They expect that to happen at lightning speed as well.) And my little foolish self would wonder why it was so.
“Is something wrong with me and my breasts that my kid’s hunger is not being satisfied?”
“Is my poor child constantly crying because of it?”
To think that after so many years of life, I questioned my breasts!
Now that I think of it, I can look back and laugh, but at that time it was a red alert on my panic button.
Let me tell you that nothing was wrong with me or my innocent breasts.
Things got settled with time, and I too enjoyed the so-called beauty of breastfeeding.
Here come the solids
I want to talk about another thing I know a lot of you ladies would relate to. And I am sure you will face it when the time comes. (I pray to God that you don’t, but hardly any mother is spared from this!)
I am talking about the time when solids get introduced into your kids’ diet.
Blessed are those moms whose children finish their food without any trouble.
But my daughter wasn’t one of them.
I would constantly try my best to encourage her to have her food, and she would brush everything aside without showing even a tad bit of interest.
I really struggled with her when it was time for me to give her solid food.
And after such struggles, people would come and just casually say, “My god, your child is so thin; doesn’t she eat at all?” “You are not mashing up the food properly; you are not adding adequate salt to your daughter’s food”.
I would be barraged with suggestions for this food and that food, and suddenly everyone around me would become my pediatrician.
These would not help the least bit with my stress. I would get so sad thinking that my daughter’s growth was being hampered.
So much so that I was driven to a point where I would be looking up YouTube videos for “recipes for one-year-olds”, in my pursuit to try different things to encourage my daughter to eat food.
Conclusion
Having all said and done, like anything and everyone in life, motherhood, and a new mom too require time to get adjusted.
No one in this whole wide world feels more responsible for a child than the child’s mother.
Probably that is the reason why the Almighty chose a mother, and not any other family member to shoulder the responsibility of carrying a child for nine whole months before he or she meets the other family members.
We tend to forget that a newborn is a new person to the mother as well. She too needs time to get used to her baby.
It is not fair to assume that since she is a mother, she should know everything from A to Z about her child.
With every passing day with her child, she grows as a mother and tries to learn the very minute details about her child, which perhaps only she can ever know.
We also often forget that after the birth of a child, a mother’s body needs time to recover too.
All pregnant ladies endure a lot of pain, sickness, and bodily changes unimaginable to anyone else when they bring their children into this world and this does not stop here.
Even after delivering her child, a mother still struggles with her health.
She needs to nurture her newborn without neglecting her body, which after childbirth requires utmost care as well.
So expecting her to be a hands-on mother is quite a brutal thing when she has just exited a human being from inside her.
The least a new mom expects is a sense of understanding.
An understanding that motherhood is new to her as well, and she is not supposed to be in the know of everything related to her newborn child.
Knowing that she too is a human being and pressurizing her so much can be overwhelming and daunting for her and she doesn’t deserve to feel that way.
She doesn’t deserve to feel that she isn’t giving her best for her child.
Give her some time and space.
Help her make the motherhood journey enjoyable for her because, believe it or not, all she wants is to have a joyous experience with her child and wants her whole family to be a part of this journey.
Hi there, I write content on Lifestyle, Wellness, and Beauty niches and share my experiences as a mother to my baby girl. If you enjoyed reading this article and want to read more, please follow me here on Medium and make my day with a few claps. You can also reach me on LinkedIn.
Thanks!
-Swetha.
