Essential Skills (That Go Out The Window) For SAH Success
Let’s face it, our skills are mostly lost on this parenting thing.
Any resume requires a skills list. It’s no different when applying for the role of Stay-At-Home-Parent. I’m five years into “working in the home” and Oh My God, it is so difficult.
I often tell people that when I was a senior in college full-time, working part-time, and planning my wedding to a long-distance military boyfriend I had twice as much time to relax as I do now. There are days when I’m screaming to myself, “WHY DON’T PEOPLE GET PAID TO DO THIS?”
I think the biggest difference between being a SAHM, with three sons under five, and other work is that I can’t call in sick. I don’t get days off. Or even hours off, we have to hold the puke bowls despite being on death’s door ourselves. The baby woke up for the day at 2:20 am? Cool, your three-year-old still has to get ready and off to half-day preschool by 8:00 am. Even as I write this I’m hollering at my sons, who all three have a nasty case of Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease right now, to “get their asses down off the back of the couch and leave my Christmas ornaments alone!”
No one would be able to do this without these essential skills that I’ve found to be important for the job, but also total bullshit.
Besides a good helping of straight-up delusion, you need to have a good grasp on
Time Management: Efficiently juggling various responsibilities and tasks.
Yes, you have to manage your time effectively. Everyone has to get to the dentist on time, and dinner should be put on the table at some point. It’s an important skill to possess but also something to allow yourself to completely let go of. I’ve found that no matter how good I am at traditional Time Management, I’m only as good as the weakest link–otherwise known as my kids. Your kid does not care if his 45-minute tantrum about his blue shoes having white soles makes you late to their Well Child Visit.
Problem-solving: Finding solutions to unexpected issues.
Problem-solving comes in handy as a SAHM because there are ALWAYS unexpected issues. ALWAYS. One of my core memories as a mother is my first baby having a blowout on the way to one of my husband's Air Force Knightings, or whatever they were. He won Staff Sergeant at some point. Anyways, I was wearing a fitted white gown that I looked amazing in having just gained seventy-five pounds and then losing maybe fifty. I didn't want to bring a stroller to the ceremony so I had a beautiful wrap that went with my gown, I felt so beautiful. Until my baby shit up his back, I had to get creative and change him in the front seat of our car because my gown was too tight for me to get onto the ground in the bathroom (no changing station!) I’ll never forget the precision of that diaper change and luckily I had an extra onesie with me.
Organization: Keeping the household running smoothly.
I’m a freak about organization, as a huge fan of The Home Edit I’ve done the Netflix show AND the workbook. Too bad I’m such a messy person, ha ha! I find it’s a fantasy, not a reality for me at this point of time in my life. I keep planners to keep us afloat, I’m very much a planner person, but I definitely write each appointment in pencil. We have a Command Center Calendar of appointments but again, in dry erase. Nothing sticks in this household, I have rescheduled my youngest’s dentist appointment four times recently, and I just had to cancel our upcoming Occupational Therapy sessions for the next week due to this nasty Hand, Foot, and Mouth. That being said, at least I know when upcoming dentist appointments are supposed to take place.
Patience: Handling challenging situations with calmness.
This one is a big part of my life. Being the calm your child needs instead of a rage monster does result in fewer meltdowns. The thing is, sometimes I have meltdowns too. Sometimes I get angry and snap at my kids during stressful situations where I should have had more patience. No one is sinless in terms of having patience with their offspring. And to be completely honest, I prefer parenting with real emotions.
Recently, my nearly two-year-old face planted while I was mopping and ran to me with a bloodied mouth. While inspecting for loose teeth, or puncture wounds in his lips, my four-year-old decided he wanted to use the same puddle as a slip-and-slide and began hitting me and tantruming ( while I was still cradling his younger brother) to move out of his way so he could run in the water and make the same mistake. I had no patience in that moment left for the audacity of my four-year-old, even though I knew he was upset and attention-seeking. I bellowed something at him and sent him to his room. Try to do your best here but have patience with yourself first and foremost.
Multi-tasking: Managing multiple tasks simultaneously.
Good God, I have literally described myself as a Mother Barista Octopus. I once had a baby breastfeeding while I flipped cheap cuts of steak, coached my four-year-old through spelling something, and poured a milk sippy cup for my other kid all at the same time. At that moment I realized I was living a 90s country song about being strong independent trailer trash (and I kind of like that!). I feel like I’m channeling Reba half of my days and have become the type of strong mother that people sing songs about. The skill of multitasking will never be bullshit, you need this one. You will not survive if you attempt to do one task at once, you’d starve to death in the first week.
So being a SAHM requires skills in
- Time Management
- Problem Solving
- Organization
- Patience
- Multitasking
Though all of these can be thrown out the window from time to time, and without a doubt flexibility to do so is the most required skill as a mother.
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-LaChelle
