Exclusive: Transcript of Phone Conversation Between Trump and Putin [Satire]

A portion of Trump’s Two Hour Conversation with Putin

You may have heard that Trump was on a two-hour phone call with Putin on Thursday, October 16, after which he proclaimed he’ll be meeting with him to work on a ceasefire with Putin.

Most of it involved inaudible babbling by Trump, but I’ve obtained a transcript of the early part of the call, although this is probably pure satire.

Image of Trump by Gage Skidmore (who else?) via Wikimedia Commons. Image of Vlad the Impaler courtesy of the Russian Government/Public Domain. Photo smashup by the author.

The Phone Call

Trump: Halal, Vlad!

Putin: Umm, hello back to you, Donald.

Trump: No, no. I mean, Halal! It’s a new word I learned when I negotiated the world’s greatest peace agreement in history with Hamas. Better than the one they did in World War Two or those terrible Paris Peace Accords.

It’s from the amazing Hamas language. They taught it to me when I led all of the Middle East to the fantastic peace treaty to save those beautiful Gaza beaches for my son-in-law to develop.

It’s a fantastic language, Vlad. Halal! Lovely word. Fantastic way to say hello. Amazing to think about how it led to the greatest peace agreement in history. Much better than the World War Two peace deal, which left so much money on the…