Get to Know the Republican Presidential Front Runners!
GOP campaign platforms translated into plain English
Politics can be a sticky wicket. It’s easy to get lost in the political jargon and lose track of what the myriad candidates are actually saying.
When the motley crew of Republicans seeking the party’s 2024 presidential nomination take the stage for their next debate on November 8th, we’ll undoubtedly be barraged with empty cliches, hyperbole, and sloppily tossed word salad slathered in Russian dressing. Viewers may walk away with a throbbing headache or crippling nausea, but no better understanding of the candidates vying to hasten the demise of western Democracy as we know it.
As a public service, I have translated the campaign platforms of the Republican presidential front runners into plain English.
Donald J. Trump
Current Status
Criminal Defendant; Civil Defendant, Recreational Golfer; Collector of Rare Documents
Prior Experience:
President, United States (2017–2021); Game Show Host (2004–2015); Bankruptcy Baron (1991–2016)
