Getting Boosted on Medium and Living the Life (she said)
Because sometimes, professional help is needed
Oh, not again! I’ve got to stop having this WTF feeling of damn! they overlooked me again and didn’t get my boost. Some curators just don’t appreciate genius when they see it.
When the honor first came out, I thought, “Oh boy, there goes Medium nitpicking again.”
“Meh. Why should I care?”
Now, I changed my mind and I’m pissed AF because I should be rich too, wassamatta with these people?
If you get boosted you get paid. It’s just that simple.
Let’s face it, it’s not like I’m making friends for life or a Pulitzer award is coming my way. It’s not.
Or ego-based. Like, ok… “She wrote a good piece, but mine is tons better! Why wasn’t I picked? Dumb bastards!”
It wasn’t that either.
But every single boosted one equaled a punch in the nose for me.
I realize how immature that is but I don’t give a shit. I’ll mature enough when I get my prize.
Until then, I’ll continue with my plan to hate everyone.
It’s not that great of a consolation but the witch lady costs too much money (she called herself a tarot consultant)
Okaaaay…
But she told me no one is ever dissatisfied with her curses. She’s even willing to provide me with a reference list of totally happy customers.
I decided against revenge. But I did ask her how much she’d charge to invade the dreams of the boosting managers and “seduce” them — first thing in the morning — to be thinking of me non-stop as the best candidate for boosting on 6 publications.
I may as well start big.
Easy peasy, she said. It’ll cost me $600.
$750 if she included migraines to make sure they hurry up.
I couldn’t resist that offer.
Before closing the deal, I figured I’d ask my grandma. She’s an old ex-gypsy excommunicated from her congregation for stealing some jewelry from them, which they had stolen themselves anyway. But I digress.
She told me if this woman is not Hungarian, to stay the hell away. “Most likely a scam”, she said.
Wise words from Nana. She’s old school and I can trust her.
But I’m no fool. I paid her with my CC in case her shit didn’t stick so I can get my money back.
I didn’t bother with her success references. I opted to trust my instincts.
I love the fact that she guarantees her work.
So, finally, I’ll be boosted, loaded, and famous. I do not consider it cheating because my work is hot shit to begin with. They’ll see that sooner or later, so in fact, I’m just saving them precious time.
After all, it was all a matter of fate and like she said, “a cosmic truth”.
Now, I’m chilling and waiting for the results that will come any minute now.
And then, finally, the world will know my name.
