MENTAL HEALTH

Here’s the Thing About Suicidal Ideations

It’s not always what you think

Anne the Vegan
Bouncin’ and Behavin’ Blogs
5 min readApr 1, 2024

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Do you ever get the urge to jump when you are perched up high above the earth? Photo by Colton Jones on Unsplash

I’m standing on the top deck of the Eiffel Tower at Kings Dominion outside Richmond, VA. As a teenager, I’m full of angst and am likely mourning the loss of attention from a romantic interest. I’m not exactly happy, nor am I truly unhappy. But as I peer over the wire fence meant to prevent falls, I wonder what would happen if I casually climbed it and jumped.

I’ve always had the urge to jump off of high places, well aware that this would likely end my life, but I also imagined the freedom I could feel during my descent. The sensation of flying would feel so amazing, even if there was doom in the end as gravity wins the battle between will and science.

In rehab, I had a chance to experience this, as we participated in an obstacle course that included climbing up a tall telephone pole and, with the safety of a harness, had to jump to the ground. The few seconds of freefall before being caught by the harness and the power of my peers were exhilarating but terrifying. It was a one-and-done for me!

Ideations come and go. I recently saw a social media post referring to these urges as an escape hatch; a plan just in case. This is how these thoughts have always felt for me, although I think of these plans…

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Anne the Vegan
Bouncin’ and Behavin’ Blogs

I write about the human experience relating to running, healthcare, social justice, and veganism. Owner: The Plant Power Pub, Top writer: Food, Cooking