I Didn’t Break Up With You Because I Panicked About Dating a Black Woman
Lessons from a Lost Connection: Acknowledging errors in judgment
After all this time I want to apologize to you. I know you won’t see this. One of the first things that I noticed; your beautiful face. Your Gullah heritage was a window into a world unknown to me. You introduced me to the brown paper bag and pencil test. It was enlightening.
I didn’t break up because I panicked about being with a Black woman.
On our first date, after driving for an hour, I realized I made a colossal blunder by forgetting my wallet. But you laughed it off. Your humor and tolerance were impressive, and it wasn’t your race that caused me to end it.
For our second date, you attended a wedding with me. The experience was unconventional, and we laughed about it. Yet, again, it wasn’t your race that seeded my doubts.
When you revealed your past struggles with weight, it stirred something shallow within me. But that proves it couldn’t have been about the color of your skin; it wasn’t because you were black.
I’m not racist. Hadn’t I had relationships outside my race before? Yes, Asian is not Black. Still, that proves it couldn’t have been your race.
You openly spoke of your daughter, the result of an affair with a married man. My past wounds related to fidelity made me hesitant. I said that was the reason, not your race.
The point is I want to apologize after all this time. I’ve repeatedly told myself it wasn’t about race.
But maybe it was.
