I Got Published in The Washington Post
…but not in the way one might hope.
A couple of months ago, while scrolling through the online edition of The Washington Post, I stumbled upon an advice column that featured a situation quite familiar. A parent was seeking advice on how to handle a 21-year-old daughter who had ghosted them.
It took a moment for the realization to sink in: the letter was mine. I had written it the previous January while waiting for a flight home to the East Coast from California. At the time, I had just made my second failed attempt to reconcile with my daughter, flying 3,000 miles to do so. I had come across a letter in the column, someone asking about a friend who had ghosted them.
The advice given was to simply walk away, and give it up. On an impulse, I wrote to ask if the same principle applied to a parent-child relationship. Then, I promptly forgot about it.
Months later, there it was — my letter, published in a major paper. The advice wasn’t particularly groundbreaking; it echoed what both my ex-wife and ChatGPT had suggested: “Don’t force it, give her space, give her time.” ko
However, the real eye-opener came from the comments section. Readers seemed to project their own issues and assumptions onto my situation. Predictably, many were harsh in their judgments.
Some accused me of being an abusive father, while others criticized me for being too intrusive by showing up uninvited at my daughter’s doorstep. (For the record, I never did that. I was there solely as a moral gesture to demonstrate my commitment.) I texted her to say I wanted to mend our relationship and would wait in a hotel for her response. I had no intention of forcing myself into her presence. After four days without hearing from her, I returned home, disheartened.
In the comments, those who had experienced similar estrangements were sympathetic. They sided with me, assuming my daughter was the one at fault. I would not say that, I just wanted to hear her perspective.
This entire experience has been a lesson in human behavior, revealing how people’s personal histories color their perceptions. Everyone brought their own baggage to the situation.
While the advice from the column was nothing new, the public’s reaction provided a multifaceted view of people’s attitudes toward complex family dynamics. It’s a perspective I hadn’t considered. Being familiar with online forums, I tried not to take it personally.
