Health
I Got Some News Today, Oh Boy
I’m going to have to make some severe changes to my life.
I went to see my doctor on Tuesday for a med check. I got my flu vaccine, my pneumonia vaccine, blood drawn, and made an appointment for a mammogram. The blood test results came back today. Oh boy.
My bad cholesterol is elevated, my triglycerides are way too high, and I am pre-diabetic. I read all of this horrible news, and as my depression kicked into high gear, my son called. In the background, I could hear my granddaughter. And I realized I can do this.
As a former anorexic and bulimic, counting calories is very dangerous for me. So the plan that I’ve come up with is not to do that. I will exercise more, I will cut out all processed sugar, I will lower my carb intake, and I am going to quit smoking. Yes, I’m a dirty, filthy smoker.
I’ve been smoking on and off since I was fifteen. That’s forty years. I can’t use smoking cessation tools. The patch irritates my skin, my TMJ doesn’t let me chew gum, and the lozenges cause sores inside my mouth. I can’t take the super amazing prescription for quitting because it’s contraindicated for anyone who lives with depression, and anyone who’s ever had suicidal ideation. It’s cold turkey for me.
Out of everything I have to do, quitting smoking is going to be the hardest. But if I focus on my family, focus on living long enough to celebrate my fortieth wedding anniversary, see my granddaughter grow up, and continue to tell people I love them, I can do this.
I will say my depression and anxiety are at an eleven right now. Oddly, the main reason I went to the doctor was to increase my Lexapro from ten milligrams to twenty. Maybe that will help as I begin to change my entire life in order to live longer.
This is going to be incredibly difficult, but my dad did it, so I can, too. Decades ago, he got the same test results, and immediately began changing the way he ate, he started exercising, and now, he’s as healthy as a horse. Well, an eighty-something-year-old horse, but still, he’s pretty healthy. If he can do it, so can I.
Wish me luck. Send good thoughts. Remind me that lots of people quit smoking and don’t end up beating the shit out of strangers in Walgreens while screaming “WHY ARE YOU BREATHING SO LOUDLY?!?”.
First step: Working on the depression and anxiety. Second step: Same as the first step. Third step: Replacing chocolate mint chip ice cream with carrots and weeping.
I’ll be fine. I’ll be better than fine; I’ll be alive and healthy. But these next few days are gonna be a bitch. Hug me.
