I Made it My Mission (Featuring Ryan Gosling)
This may not be the most brilliant idea I’ve had. But believe me, it could be effective. At least, it better be or else.
I live within a “conservative” community. What this means is that I live in a place where familism and religion are deeply rooted, many things are taboo (exhibit: sex being a big, red, underlined topic) until the only topic you can discuss is the weather, and any hint of liberalism or socialism is immediately perceived as a threat.
To make a regressive story short, we are born into a set of traditions and religious beliefs we must stick by or we are outcasted and unworthy. I know many societies are the same way; no sex until marriage, you can’t switch religions, and may God have mercy on you if you choose to opt-out of said religion…
As a kid, I did not care much about these things. Why would a six-year-old fight for freedom of choice? I was too busy fighting for more important things like the last pizza slice or that Hannah Montana shirt… Ten years later, my skepticism developed with my puberty (I am not saying these two are correlated, but you get the point). A teenager questioning matters that every single person in her entourage judged right or wrong is not unheard of.
Here’s a list of things I heard when I expressed the slightest hint of my skepticism:
“It’s all those American movies you watch.”
“Phones and teenagers.”
“I am older and I know better!”
My absolute favorite was the following:
“Westerns have influenced you. You are a kid and can be easily influenced, your brain is not fully developed and that is why your head is going to wrong places. You’ll grow up and realize how wrong you were.”
Yeah, well, neither were my breasts fully developed, and yet men twice my age never hesitated to stare at them. Why not hear my undeveloped brain?
Now, I had to live with this along with my daily nagging suspicion between religion and traditions. I started noticing all those ironic contradictions and the orders that don’t make any sense:
-Piercings were forbidden, but piercing your ear isn’t.
-Sex before marriage is forbidden, unless you’re a male then please bless the world with your sperm.
-Revealing clothes are forbidden, unless you’re a male then please flash us those abs.
-Don’t dream of moving out from home.
-You mustn’t do anything that harms your body, so alcohol and drugs are forbidden, but smoking isn’t, so please create a big fat cloud to hug us all.
The list goes on and on, and I was just fed up. At certain points, I turned small conversations into fights. I am not proud of that, but when you put sexism, religious (unjustified) beliefs, and outdated traditions into one blender, then you create a poisonous drink. I am no Snow-White to swallow down whatever I’m given.
This journey of mine (childish rebelling, some called it) went through stages:
1- The Teaching
This is where, the second I hear someone make an ignorant comment (like that time a man from my family said that if a girl is raped then it’s her fault as much as it is that of the rapist), I’d nicely explain why they are absurdly wrong. I’d use facts and logic. I soon came to realize that this doesn’t work because soon they start arguing back with more irrelevant things and then drive the conversation away. Which takes me to my next stage.
2- The Deaf
I would literally clog my ears in order to not hear absurdities and ignite an argument. Hear no evil became my new motto. This stage only lasted for a bit because there’s only so much you can overlook. Somehow, because I expect that many people have inherited the same unshakable mindset, I’d just know that someone will undoubtedly utter some idiocy.
For instance, a taxi driver talked about how marriage is an order from god and not a choice for twelve minutes and 37 seconds. Yes, I counted.
3- The Sarcastic
I found out, what better way to show someone their flaws than to hold a mirror to their faces. So I started doing this; if I am confronted by a sexist person, who believes that women were made for the sole reason of cooking and cleaning, then I’d agree. It goes something like this:
-Sexist: That’s because women are only good for cleaning and giving birth.
-Me (in a high-pitched, sarcasm-dripping voice): oh yes! Absolutely! I mean, what else would women be good for. We belong in the kitchen and nowhere else. It’s not like women are a symbol of life or anything…
-Silence.
I’d agree with whatever futility comes out of their mouth and rabble on for minutes about how they are right. The more I go, the more silent they grow. Sometimes, I don’t even need to state my actual position at the end, I’d just keep going with that sarcastic tongue of mine.
Now, is this the best way to go about changing the world? Probably not. Still, I found it to be quite effective. It seems to me that more people are now arguing for the sake of arguing. When you agree with them, not only are they able to hear their own absurdity, but you also momentarily shock them.
Whenever I go about this strategy, I get one of two outcomes:
1- They go shell-shocked silent and I can see the wheels turning in their heads. Oh look, they got a brain. And so they start thinking about where they’ve gone wrong. I know this is a short-term fix, but if it means it’ll silence my coworker who keeps saying that boys shouldn’t play with girls’ toys, then so be it.
2- They argue, nicely. Oh look, they can speak without spitting venom. I followed this strategy with mom on multiple occasions. She’d say something and I’d throw back her words at her in a sarcastic, exaggerated manner, so she’d stop and think about it before saying “this is not what I said” and then explain clearly what she meant. That gives way for a healthy, fruitful debate.
While this strategy is my superpower, I decided to try something a bit different. Whenever a taboo threatens to shine to the surface, I’d pull it all the way out. I’d force everyone to see it, red tapes and all.
I’d put labels and call things their name, no euphemisms or beating around the bush. Sex is Sex. Rape is Rape. And ignorance is a curable disease. I tend to make people uncomfortable, but they can’t ignore it once it’s there. Then, I’d ask questions before my grand finale:
I dare you to convince me. Without religion.
I’d tell them to convince me the way they’d convince an atheist. Why shouldn’t I have a tattoo? Why do you think boys can’t wear pink? Why can’t girls wear mini dresses? If they can explain it to me rationally, based on facts, and even a bit of emotion, and I can’t argue back, then that’s it. I’m done.
However, if they go back to the “religion and society said so” argument, then they better bet I’m going to my sarcastic methods.
So for a few months now, I’ve been agreeing to arguments in every gathering. I’d sniff the scent of ignorance and air it out. I made it my mission to call people out on their wrong, unjustified, or spoon-fed opinions. If it turns out that the other person is willing to listen and keep an open mind, then that’s great! We both got a lot to learn from each other.
If that’s not the case, well, at least I know I planted a seed.
I am not attempting to change the world through this. I’m merely hoping for a butterfly effect to take place and kickstart a revolution against ignorance and dusty old beliefs.
I also have no problem with religion or religious people. What triggers me is the way religions get so misinterpreted and how we use gaslighting through them. I have met one man who was religion savvy, yet managed to teach me so many things through logical thinking. But I also met another who told me women cannot be engineers. You see, it is not about religion itself, but rather about those who speak in its name. The same goes for traditions and everything else.
Thank you Ryan for being part of this journey! You have such an expressive face.
