I Want To Be Silly Again
On Letting Go of Society’s Meaning of Success
Every weekday, I wake up at 5:30 am to write in my journal for 20 minutes and exercise for 50. Around 7 am, I make my bed and hop in the shower. I get ready for work. I grab my breakfast and run out of my apartment around 8:20 in the morning. I take my first meeting at 8:45 am and work until 5:00 pm.
During lunchtime, I study for an exam to obtain a license I need in my industry. After work, I cook, go for a walk, write to build my writing habit, apply for jobs, and read before bed. I do my skincare routine at night and call my boyfriend to say goodnight. We do not have a long conversation because it’s already 10 pm, and I need to get enough sleep to wake up again at 5:30 am.
Those who observe my consistency might admire me, but I am crumbling on the inside. I want to be silly again, but I am restless trying to change my career path, dealing with a job that isn’t developing my strengths, and constantly feeling like I am chasing something.
I can’t get my mind off the responsibility of working to achieve my goals. The CEOs and influencers of the world say everything is possible with hard work. They encourage us to chase our dreams and share their productivity tips and morning routines. A morning routine lifts our energies and sets the tone for the day. An evening routine lets us wind down and sleep. Despite doing all of it, I wake up tired and go to bed wishing I had more time. I am writing from a place that hasn’t seen their work come to life yet.
People forget to say “laugh more,” “don’t take yourself too seriously,” and that “everything is fleeting.” Everyone is chasing riches and fame instead of stopping to notice their surroundings, connect with their bodies, or appreciate the miracle of life. Believing that the winners are those that hustle hard, earn six figures, and have every material object they desire is a lie.
Stop and analyze popular social media accounts. Content caters to what viewers enjoy the most, thus obtaining more likes. Everyone travels, eats at the best restaurants, unboxes new shopping items, starts their own companies, and other overloads. On LinkedIn, it appears that everyone is networking, getting a raise, working their perfect job, and attending a prestigious university for a master’s degree. Everyone else is simply following this crowd, like a herd, not stopping to think and reason about their individual lives.
If I convince myself that this is real life, I am left wondering if there is joy left for those that will never afford their dream school, lifestyle, or future. There must be more, and no one is paying attention.
I love my energy and willingness to work hard, but at 27 years old, I need to slow down. I am tired of chasing society’s standard of an ideal future. I let go of anxiety and control. It is easier to believe, like everyone else, that we control the outcome of our lives rather than accept we don’t. When I acknowledge that I control my actions, not their results, I have nothing left but waking up excited and happy about the day.
I want to soak up moments with my favorite people and laugh until tears come out of my eyes and my belly aches. I want to be a ray of light to the people I encounter, add value to them, and see their value. I want to end the day with gratitude and peace. There is not worth spending a lifetime living at the mercy of culture’s approval and never living life on my terms, and right now, all I want is to let myself be silly again.
