I’ll Teach You to Be a Man: Dad’s Lesson On Self-Reliance
“Give me a child until he’s 7 and I'll show you the man: The words of Aristotle
Growing up, my dad had this rule he never bent on, that he deliberately instilled in me, one that would shape my perspective on life in profound ways: "Never come back home crying" were his words. It wasn’t a callous or unfeeling attitude; rather, it was his way of saying “You’ve got to learn to rely on yourself" young lad!
He never encouraged me to pick fights or be aggressive. Instead, he emphasized the value of standing up for myself when the situation warranted. I never really grasped the lesson because all I could think of in my little mind was why would Dad not pamper me like other parents do? Pamper wasn't in his dictionary. He preferred to sit you down and tell you the truth in convincing ways your little mind could comprehend.
The crux of his philosophy was, that you don't learn self-reliance when you're an adult; you learn from the young days when the codes of your little mind are still rewritable. The Chewa Malawians of the Bantu ethnic group famously say “M’mera mpoyamba” which literally translates to "catch them while young", emphasizing the importance of a child's transformative years and their impact on later life.
One of the most memorable aspects of Dad's philosophy was his warning that if I ever came home crying because I had been in a physical altercation with a friend or playmate, It would attract more punishment for me. I never did.
I was that kid who would resort to physical confrontation at the slightest provocation and sometimes I would pick on bigger kids who could easily overpower me. I would simply wipe my tears away before stepping foot at home and then plan my revenge which
Over time, I began to realize that Dad's 'never come back home crying' rule was about more than just physical confrontations. It was a life lesson, teaching me that avoiding challenges or difficult situations would never lead to personal growth. It was about developing emotional resilience, learning to deal with adversity, and finding solutions to problems instead of running from them.
But in a world that sometimes emphasizes avoiding conflict at all costs, Dad's philosophy might seem unconventional. However, as I navigated through adolescence and into adulthood, this lesson stayed with me. Now, as I look back the lesson is only getting clearer. I have not only learned to weather life's storms but also to embrace them, sometimes with a beaming smile.
