I’ve Awakened to Discover I Don’t Live in the World I Thought I Did
We should be thankful for these moments, because we lack the power to change an illusion
I expect we’ve all experienced a moment of betrayal. Perhaps it was a friend, a family member, or a romantic relationship. There’s a sense of time slowing down accompanied by an internal wrenching. It’s as though the floor shifts beneath your feet and you have to find your balance again.
You might clench your fists and close your eyes. You might try to resist. But once the revelation happens the old reality is gone and you’ll never get it back. You’ve learned something. You’ve become bigger. You’ve matured.
You lament the loss of innocence because there’s comfort in the familiar, even when the familiar is wrong.
Much of our time feels as if it is spent in a carnival fun house. The floor tilts. You run into mirrors. You try to navigate in total darkness. In something as insignificant as a single step, you can find light and stability and orientation.
But that step can be disconcerting.
Last night I experienced a terrible wrenching sensation. I couldn’t sleep. I spent most of the night thinking myself a fool.
