Be real with yourself
“Love yourself” is a Lie We Tell Ourselves. Try Doing This Instead.
When I made this change, I loved myself without trying.
After birthing a 9-pound baby, I couldn’t recognize myself anymore. Not physically and not mentally either. I was not the same person anymore.
But all I heard from anyone else was to love yourself, show some self love, your body created a miracle, just be kind to yourself and everything will be okay.
No, I don’t want to love myself. I don’t want to love my face stuffed with ice cream, jeans that don’t fit, a cluttered brain, and a pile of laundry that has cobwebs waiting for me to give it some attention.
But I still tried to love myself, because when everyone gives the same advice, there must be something right about it.
Except no, everyone can be wrong about it. Majority doesn’t always mean right. That’s the problem with democracy.
I had to learn by trying and failing myself.
I would tell myself I am worthy of being loved, of how awesome and lovable I just am.
Except, I didn’t believe a word of it.
There had to be a way I could hack into my brain and tell it to shut up with the negativity, and just love myself even when I binge on ice cream or haven’t had time to shower in days.
I’d tell myself this is my season of life to just accept myself as who I am, love myself in the state I am, and make peace with it.
Except, that didn’t work. That was never going to work.
I would tell myself I’ll take care of my health, eat better, write a journal, wake up to see the sunrise, and maybe go for a walk.
I would. I’d do it tomorrow, or the day after, or the day on the calendar that never seemed to show up.
I kept giving myself false promises, and you know what that did?
My brain understood that I’m a liar and it didn’t trust anything I said. More than that, it didn’t respect me.
Forget self-love, I didn’t even have self-respect. How was I in such a crappy relationship with myself?
Here is what worked. I stopped lying to myself, stopped making a promise I knew I wouldn’t keep.
If I promised myself I'll exercise, then I’ll do it. I might be late or in a pathetic mood and embarrass myself in a gym class, but you better believe I’ll do it.
If it's a phone call I have to make that I keep delaying because typing a text message is so much easier and less stressful, right? But if I told myself I’ll do it then I’ll do it.
If it means finally scheduling that dentist appointment I’ve been delaying for months, then I’ll do it.
If I said I would, then I have to.
I had my share of failures when I couldn’t wake up on time to exercise or I just didn’t feel like doing anything. That was fine. As long as I didn’t let myself fail two days in a row.
As long as I didn’t blame myself for my failure but instead blamed my poor planning or decision-making, I was good. I was making progress.
Ultimately, what happened was that I didn’t need to lie to myself in the mirror anymore. When I looked at myself, 10 months postpartum and still not the same weight as I was before my kids, you know what I said?
You are a warrior, Zahra! Look at all that growth you’ve made over these years. You aren’t the same person you were in 2020, you are much better, stronger and more capable than before.
And it doesn’t matter to me what anybody else has to say about me, I have learnt the trick to loving myself and it starts from respecting your time, your goals, and the promises you make to yourself.
If you liked reading this, please follow along to read my journey on self-growth and other things I discover about life and myself in general. Feel free to laugh at me in the process, it’s all good.
