Love’s Odyssey: A Black Woman’s Chronicle Vol. I
Its worn leather cover, a testament to the stories it held within, cradled the whispered secrets of her heart.
6/23/27
Today’s Quote: “The question is not how to get cured, but how to live.”
― Joseph Conrad
Dear Diary,
Today, my tears flowed, but not the usual ones — the kind that lingers like an uninvited guest in your throat, making it difficult to swallow, and even harder to breathe.
I had convinced myself that I was more than enough, that I was seen and heard.
But today, I realized I wasn’t.
This might be the lowest point I’ve ever reached, undoubtedly the most hurt I’ve ever felt. It’s possible my own expectations were my downfall.
In the midst of this turmoil, I want to stay.
I yearn for love, to feel wanted, perhaps at any cost.
Am I wrong?
Is it wrong to desire adoration and tenderness?
All I want now is comfort, someone to hold me.
At this moment, as I kneel, the wood pressing into my legs, I even welcome the slight pain. Anything to feel something beyond what’s happening to me right now.
I despise the mirrors, the reflection they cast. He said I’d always be enough, that he’d always love me. Deep down, I knew.
I always said I would choose me first. I would put myself first.
Today, I didn’t.
I was caught up in the moment and allowed myself to fall idly. It wasn’t a choice, it was a reaction. I was devastated.
I am devastated.
I want to blame it on the timing, the day, even the rain.
My therapist’s voice echoes in my mind, urging me to breathe — a deep breath in through the nose, a slow exhale through the mouth. It’s the last thing I can do, my chest heavy with pain.
I'm suffocating.
It hurts so much that I can’t even find the words to write anymore.
I died a little on the inside today.
Savannah
With heartfelt gratitude for your perusal, I offer this excerpt from my ongoing labor of love, ‘Love’s Odyssey: A Black Woman’s Chronicle, Volume I.’
