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JASON LOVES ME, THIS I KNOW
MAGA Believes Trump Was Saved By Divine Intervention
If They’re THAT Gullible, I’m Starting a Megachurch
The assassination attempt against Donald Trump Saturday has proven one thing: The MAGA cult has gone off the deep end. If his supporters are posting pictures of angels saving one of the most corrupt, horrible people ever to walk the planet, then they’ll believe in ANYTHING.
Including me and my new megachurch. Get your wallets ready, let’s do this shit.“Dear-lay, Bahloved. We are gathered here today to get through this thing called, ‘Life’.”
*Let’s Go Crazy by Prince starts blasting through the sound system in the 30,000-seat Spaghetti Bowl, home of Provencio Family Ministries. There’s a party going on up in this bitch. Praise be.
The congregation is going wild. They start doing the wave. The green, white, and red beachballs have been dropped from the ceiling, creating a Hungry-Hungry Hippos-esque rambunctious scene among parishioners in this house of The Lord. But wait, shit’s about to get REAL.
As Prince fades into nothingness, the entrance song is cued. Bring on the Rick Derringer song:
“I am a real American… Fight for the rights of every man… I am a real American. Fight…
