Master These Hidden Truths That Make Your Middle Age Blissful
Eight lessons about life & people I learned the tragic way that will help you win
I’ve been in agony for over a decade of my life.
That’s 10 years eaten up by fear, shame, guilt & hopelessness. Shame over suffering from high anxiety. Fear. Of being found out & taken advantage of. Guilt, for traumatizing those I cared about with my episodes. The hopelessness that is always a by-product of mental illness.
Only when I slowed down & became unabashed about my mental health did I start to heal.
But one thing from my condition stuck. Other humans are a mystery to me. I’ve had a difficult time figuring out & liking people. It’s like this for most of us, isn’t it? Disguised as other problems the core discomfort is always the pain of human interactions.
Anyway, it's something I’ve been working on. While doing the hard work, I learned eight truths about how we humans operate that have fast-tracked personal growth, professional success & happiness for me. Here they are:
Master how you can get people to do anything for you
Most people spend their lives complaining that the world is a selfish place. Yet they do nothing to be less selfish themselves.
But none of us have life all figured out. Even the rich & the beautiful are just winging it. We are all plagued by the demons of insecurity & judgment that make us seem selfish. When other humans hate you, judge you or spite you, it actually means they are hating, judging, or spiting themselves. You are just the victim of the residue left by their self-flagellation. Showing them a little compassion in their bad times will make them tick. It is also the key to making them move mountains for you- literally. Work on your compassion muscle, every day if you must.
Master the key to gathering a tribe
Have you heard the story of the guy who managed to get a lot of people stuck in a hole in the ground? It’s a story I cooked up, so you probably haven’t. Anyway, a guy falls in a hole & another guy sees him stuck. His sympathy pushes him to jump into the hole & join his suffering brother. Thus was built the tribe of those stuck in the hole. Along came a guy who empathised & says “let me see how I can help you guys.” He managed to gather the tribe of those who could get themselves unstuck from a hole. Empathy is the key to gathering the right tribe of loyal followers.
Accepting this truth will make you more productive
Do you remember who you spent the most time with 10 years ago? Chances are it’s not the same person you spend time with today. You have moved on or they have. Most people are in your life for a short period of time. Knowing & accepting this truth will keep your focus on what is important.
The age at which you start losing friends | The Independent | The Independent
The one yardstick to make lasting rapports that propel you upward
Power dynamics in relationships are unequal yet they also change over time. But some bonds are built of envy & insecurity right from the start. You can identify them as the ones who whine that you are distant and then make efforts to understand your commitments. Ditch them for those who stand by you when the going gets bad.
Master the one behavior trait that loses you trust & friendships
The tendency to make everyone happy. This is a side effect of anxiety so I know it well. You cannot please everyone & neither should you. Others devalue you when you people please because they see the selfishness & lack of confidence behind it. Ditch the people-pleasing. Rather, know your rings of trust & focus on them.
And remember the most important person in the ring of trust is YOU!
Master the truth that levels the playing field for you
When we are children we have little choice but to live by the rules of caregivers. We are slowly conditioned into believing that we are bound by rules. Most of us are stuck in childhood because we refuse to ditch them. The adult doesn’t operate on permission. She operates on action. The flip side of knowing this truth is that we cannot expect others to play our way either. We cannot “make” people do the things that make us happy. Free will is a thing.
The foundation you need to build your life on
Most people disguise their ask as opportunities to get you to fall in line. What you need to do is build your life on a foundation of saying NO to opportunities. Your ‘NOs’ gain you respect. They free your time for what matters. They help you discern when the right opportunities come along.
These eight truths are difficult to accept & harder to implement. If you are convinced I’ve figured them out, may you accept them so you can be badass at handling the curveballs of life.
