My Near-Death Experience Changed the Way I Viewed Death
NB: Death Almost Happened to Me
Before the incident, I used to be one of the people that made offhand comments about death. I would talk about not being scared of dying, how I would leave this world one day, and all the random comments we make about death.
After my incident, there is one thing I am sure of now. Death scares me. Sometimes I would be sleeping, and this nagging feeling that I am dead would make me jerk up from sleep. It is a crazy feeling; I hope to overcome it soon.
The Experience that almost got me killed was my house gate fell on me.
The previous day the welder had come to repair the gate and, in the process, forgot to fix the gate’s stopper.
The following morning, I went to open the gate, forgetting it did not have a stopper anymore. That was how I just rolled the gate; it left the track and fell. Unfortunately, I was standing by the gate’s side when it fell.
When I saw the gate falling towards me, I remember saying, “No, No, No.” The world around me became quiet. All I cared about was not dying. All I wanted was to not be where I was standing.
I thought I was dead already. The restrictive, claustrophobic feeling of the gate on me made me realize I was still alive.
The transition between thinking I was dead and being aware that I was alive lasted about 3 seconds.
Never in my life did I think I would be grateful for getting pinned on the floor by a gate. This was because I had to be alive to feel the gate on me.
At that moment, I was thankful.
Thankful that I was alive and that my body still belonged to me.
Every other thing did not matter.
Many of us say, “when a person dies, the world moves on.” We love to use this statement to assuage ourselves to only look out for our well-being. Convincing ourselves that the world does not give a fuck about us.
We forget to mention that the moment one dies, the world stands still. Yes, I said it.
Your loved ones would never be the same again after your demise. They would never laugh wholly in your absence. And you would be the reason they pause in the middle of an activity and call your name because of how much they miss you.
When the gate fell on me;
My mum, who was in a hurry to leave the house to avoid the traffic, forgot she had work to go to.
My elder sister, dressed to the nines for work, came out into the drizzling rain.
My twin sister, who stood on the balcony to avoid getting wet, ran out barefoot to where I was.
My elder brother ran out with only his boxers on.
You see, the world gives a hoot about me. Do not let any fancy statement make you think otherwise.
We grieve when we watch the news. When we hear our neighbor is dead, we pause and feel sad. That is us stopping everything for that one person we did not know.
So yes, we need to stop selling that narrative of the world moving on.
Trust me when I say this. Everybody is special in and after death. No one is ever forgotten.
We always say anybody can die. Let us change that phrase to anybody can die anywhere.
We do not understand this statement wholly with the gravity it deserves. People are unaware that the probability of dying is around 100%. That the most uncertain thing in this world is our lives.
We are so fragile. The bodies we are in are so delicate that all it takes is one poof and we are gone, just like that.
We could leave our houses and tell ourselves the rice in the pot is what we would eat when we return. And we may never get to eat that rice. It has happened time and time again.
We could sleep and not wake up. We could wake up and never have the opportunity to sleep.
We could want to have our bath and slump and die. No matter what you are and who you are, anybody can just die. That is why you have to look at life very deeply and carefully.
I went to open the gate so my mum could go to work. I remember the split second I held that gate and the next second when I realized I could not control the gate.
I felt unbelief. In my head, I was saying, “I cannot die this way; this cannot be happening to me, right in front of my house, still in my sleepwear.”
Many of us know we can die anytime, but not many believe it could ever happen to us suddenly.
We think we would be prepared for death.
After the incident, I stopped making preparations about stuff and just did them.
We make plans like living is sure. We say, “oh, by December, we would get a white Christmas tree and pajamas.”
We make plans.
I know you will ask me, “what is the whole point in starting something if you are not even sure of seeing the end?”
Honestly, I do not know how to reply to this.
All I can say is after the incident, I had nothing to show that I had lived in this world. And I had to do something about it.
It was during that period I decided to start publishing my stories. I have so many incredible stories that could have died with me.
And a selfish part of me wants to leave myself behind.
All my weird opinions and stories would have gone if I had died. I felt regret about that.
Now I write and publish because my horror stories deserve to scare at least one more person.
Let my regrets be, “oh, I only got to publish one story instead of 100. Not I never got to publish any of my stories”.
Living each day like it is your last would make you scramble to do that one thing you always wanted. Or not, because life is our Comfort Zone.
Life is the comfort zone for most people walking the earth. We define comfort zone as that place we are more comfortable at, Home. Home is the place that you are very aware of.
We often say our stay on earth is temporary and we are just visitors here. If that were true, then why are we scared of leaving?
I would answer the question. Because life is Home to almost every living person.
We know life. We know waking up and sleeping. We know the capabilities of our bodies. We know what would work for us and what not. That is how comforting life is. We know what it is.
But you see death. None of us know how it is or what exactly it is. The only thing we know about it is that the ones who experience it never speak. It shuts their mouth forever.
We are not even sure if our souls are real. Or if there is something after.
Some of us want to believe our religions that say there is paradise, while others doubt and say, “well, whatever would be, would be.”
But a majority of us are scared. Scared because we really do not know what is after.
When I saw the gate falling towards me, I was scared. I was chanting, “NO, NO, NO.” In my head. I wanted to hold onto my life so badly I felt pathetic about myself.
Now in a way, I understand the minds of the ones who commit suicide. Living was no longer their comfort zone.
We are scared of death because it is the unknown. We can’t even hate it or fight it. So, we do the only thing which we can do. Which is trying to define death so we may try to understand it.
After the incident, I always ask myself, am I okay now?
My right leg is slightly not okay.
People do not believe me when I point at the gate that collapsed on me. There is no mark, just that my leg hurts occasionally. But the fact they have to ask me for proof shows that miracles happen.
I was sure I was dead. But here I am typing away on my keyboard. Miracles happen, and you should believe them.
I am glad this happened to me before I get to die finally. This incident gave me a chance to appreciate life and its weirdness.
169 Faithfuls, one-quarter of the month is over. How are the new year plans kicking off?
For us, it has not been easy. This week was a mess; we hope next week will be better. But we are trying our best day in and day out.
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