My Three Perfect Solutions to Carry My Dependence on Spicy Chorizo With Dignity

I’m not stupid and I always do my best to lead a decent life

Photo by blackieshoot on Unsplash

My story is touching and people stop me in the street to shake my hand out of pure admiration for my affair with the spicy chorizo. And what I like most about all this recognition is that regardless of the social status of the countless people who show me their appreciation, there is not a single one of them who does not add a shy chuckle to the solemnity of extending their hand to me.

This fame I now enjoy has not happened overnight. Infinite stomach aches and headaches to fill a sack I have had to suffer to get where I am.

It would be very wrong of me not to thank Dr. Chamizo for all he has done for me. Dr. Chamizo is a behavioral psychologist specializing in manias. With him, I discovered that my manic fondness for spicy chorizo is heir to the gastronomic culture of my grandmother Constantina.

When I decided I needed help from a professional with my spicy chorizo issue, I opted for Dr. Chamizo because his last name rhymed with chorizo.

I was just over five years old when my parents emigrated in search of a better future for the family. I had to stay with my grandmother Constantina. I spent more than half of my childhood with her. A few weeks after my parents had left, I began to feel sad. I told my grandmother Constantina that I missed them and she hugged me and gave me spicy chorizo.

Now every time my grandmother Constantina recognized the sadness in me she would give me a spicy chorizo. One day my curiosity got the better of me and I asked my grandmother Constantina why whenever I felt sad or down she gave me a spicy chorizo and told me that the spicy chorizo has the gift of reviving people especially when they are sad and down.

But what I tell you above about my inherited gastronomic culture from my grandmother Constantina where the spicy chorizo is the star of my story, thank God, with the help of Dr. Chorizo, I mean Chamizo, is a thing of the past. Nowadays I handle with art my inveterate dependence on this despot being bathed in spicy paprika that mistreated my health by spicing up my days and that I ate in skewers that transported me to the fifth heaven. Hurray my grandmother Constantina! What I say!….

Anyway, friend, friend, here are the three perfect solutions that I have arrived at after working side by side for months with the wise Dr. Chorizo, I mean Chamizo.

1. When I go to make lentils or beans because I am single I never fall into the temptation of slicing with the knife a beautiful spicy chorizo sausage and throwing it into the stew. I have put a small pulley just above where I cook and every time I make a lentil stew or a bean stew (because you have to eat legumes) I tie the spicy chorizo to the rope of the pulley and lower the rope to just the edge of the pot I show the stew the spicy chorizo taking care at all times that the spicy chorizo does not get to sleep either with the lentils or with the beans. How long do you have to show the spicy chorizo to the stew? I like to teach it to him between half an hour and forty-five minutes.
2. In the living room near the TV wiring, I have installed on the wall a refillable room sprayer with small air fresheners. With this device I have used air fresheners that smell of lavender, the smell of jasmine, the smell of roses … One day at the suggestion of a neighbor I tried an air freshener that smelled of cinnamon and near the food, this last air freshener gave me the great idea to recharge the sprayer with an air freshener smell of spicy chorizo. The problem was that the market did not supply air fresheners with a spicy chorizo smell. I discussed it with the irreplaceable Dr. Chorizo, I mean Chamizo, and the next step was to patent this exclusive air freshener for gourmets. I am commercializing it, although I must say that for the moment it is only bought by the occasional sybarite of spicy chorizo. It doesn’t matter. I am happy when just before watching a movie I press the sprayer two or three times and it rewards me by spreading and maintaining the smell of spicy chorizo so dear to my own idiosyncrasy.
3. Although thank God I am no longer a consummate physical dependent on spicy chorizo, I do like a rehabilitated alcoholic always keep in mind that I am an ex-dependent on spicy chorizo. This attitude as simple as it may seem has led me to the feat of not even tasting a spicy choricillo for 387 days.

I am quite popular in town and this fame is spreading to the city. Word of mouth works. I’ve even been given a nickname: “Choripi”.