Navigating Parenthood: The Quest for Normalcy
Dear K,
As we navigate the intricate journey of parenthood, returning to work and finding the balance between caring for you and resuming our professional lives has proven to be quite the challenge. I want to share with you the considerations, decisions, and dilemmas that have marked this stage of our lives.
I started working this week. It was relatively straightforward and having a hybrid remote work schedule — 3 days from home and 2 days in the office is great as it allows me to help out. But it still gives me just a few hours a day with you. That’s 1 maybe 2 feeding cycles. Mom has to handle the other 5 herself.
For Mom, feeding you demands significant effort, and it’s not just about the physical work itself; it’s the frequent interruptions in her sleep pattern. The relentless cycle of sleep, eat, poop, and repeat takes at least an hour, and it repeats every three hours like clockwork. That means mom has managed with just two hours of sleep at a time.
Frequent awakenings disrupt the natural sleep cycle. During an 8-hour stretch, the body goes through several sleep cycles, including deep and REM (rapid eye movement) sleep, which are crucial for physical and mental restoration. When sleep is fragmented into 2-hour intervals, it can be difficult to reach these critical stages.
To ease this demanding routine, we’ve decided to embrace pumping instead of exclusively breastfeeding. This choice comes with its own set of pros and cons. While it offers flexibility and allows Mom to get more rest, it also means spending extra time hooked up to a pump, which isn’t the most comfortable experience. It’s also said to be precious bonding time for mom and baby but we aren’t buying that there are many ways for us to bond with you.
Moreover, we’ve introduced a bit of formula into the mix. This decision, however, has been met with raised eyebrows from both families and the inevitable, “We raised you, and you turned out just fine,” line from our parents. Times have changed, and what worked for them decades ago doesn’t necessarily work for us in today’s context.
As we plan to get Mom back to normalcy there’s the choice between daycare, hiring a nanny, or exploring alternative childcare options. Each has its pros and cons. Daycare provides social interaction but may expose you to more illnesses. Nannies offer personalized care but come at a higher cost and may not provide as much social stimulation.
Alternative options such as shared childcare arrangements with other families or enlisting the help of trusted relatives can provide flexibility and cost savings. We have enlisted help from both moms to help us get through the first month but that isn’t a long-term option for us.
What we’ve realized is that every parent’s journey is different, and there’s no one-size-fits-all solution. We’re all trying to find our own balance, make the right choices for our families, and navigate the uncharted territory of parenthood with love and dedication.
As we move forward, we promise to make the best decisions for you and our family, even if they’re met with skepticism. Our choices are rooted in the love and care we have for you, and we’ll always strive to create the best possible environment for your growth and happiness.
With all our love,
Your Determined Parents
