ELECTIONS
No Colonoscopies From You, White Boy
Most Trump supporters are white people, so stay away from my ass.
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I’m at the age where colonoscopies are as routine as your morning latte. In my case, the two often share a room. Don’t worry. This isn’t a Medium story about colonoscopies.
It’s a story about people in my demographic. It’s a story about how I won’t entrust people from my demographic to do important things for me, like perform a colonoscopy, do my taxes, or (especially) write my will. Why? Because those people are suffering from badly impaired judgment.
If I think there’s even a chance you voted for Trump in the last election, or, worse, might do it again, I’m not gonna let you stick something up my butt. Full stop.
There’s a myth about my specific demographic. The myth is that if it wasn’t for us old white guys, the world’s most prolific con man wouldn’t be the danger that he is to society.
First, some numbers from the 2016 Presidential Election exit polling according to the New York Times (see notes at the end of the story).
58% of all white voters voted for Trump.
That’s all white voters. Not all old white voters.
You would think that number would be because old white guys like me are skewing the numbers. Yeah, no:
- 53% of white voters aged 18–29 voted for Trump.
- 57% of white voters aged 30–44 voted for Trump.
- 61% of white voters aged 45–59 voted for Trump.
- 57% of white voters aged 60+ voted for Trump.
In other words, a clear, decisive majority of white voters voted for Trump regardless of age group. Young, old, middle, it didn’t matter. If you’re a white person, statistics say that you likely voted for Trump.
It wasn’t just people in poor rural counties voting for him, either. 53% of voters making $100,000+ voted for him.
If you’re a white dude or dudette, and you didn’t vote for him, the chances are you hang out regularly with multiple people who did. Maybe they won’t admit it, but they’re there. They are all around you. They may be your dog’s vet or your kid’s childcare provider.
If you didn’t vote for him, you need to be more vocal about it, not less. Maybe you’re tired of the whole thing. I don’t care. Put on your big boy or big girl pants and give a verbal smackdown to anyone who plans on voting for someone with 91 felony indictments. And counting.
I shouldn’t even have to mention the fact that he was found liable in a civil trial for sexually assaulting a woman and has something like two dozen women (who’s even counting at this point?) lined up with the same kind of complaints.
Those of us who’ve been enduring this walking malfeasance of a man for the last six years know that it’s about a lot more than 91 indictments and his open contempt for women. He’s changed the texture of the country. He’s made it meaner, more violent, more racist.
His daily actions embolden incels and people with very large guns to kill large numbers of people. Because of him, people who were living under rocks are now out in the open, slithering around waiting for an opportunity to spew out their venom and toxins and bullets.
And now, white folks look poised to vote for him again, despite all this. Despite everything they know about him. In too many cases, because of it.
When the New York Times released a poll by Siena College showing Trump and Biden in a dead heat with 43% of the vote among prospective voters, many people dismissed it. But the polling aggregator FiveThirtyEight is showing the same numbers:
Biden and Trump are tied.
The situation is serious. It seems that many people think that his indictments make him a hero of some kind.
Well, I don’t know what else to do, so I’m not doing business with white people unless they can prove to me that they aren’t suffering from damaged cognitive thinking. If this is some weird zombie virus that infects the mind, I’m gonna vaccinate myself against them by staying away.
I know it’s not fair to automatically disqualify a little more than 40% of the people in my general demographic who didn’t vote for him when I consider doing business with them.
So I created a small card I’ll be carrying around with me.
Prospective colon-scopers, family law attorneys, financial analysts, and others skilled at various assaults to my nether regions will now be asked to circle the appropriate answer on the card before I enlist their services.
Circle the wrong word, and I’m outta there. Obviously, they get one try.
I recommend a card like this to everyone. Especially white folks who are in the same pickle as me.
You might think I have trust issues. You’d be correct.
Voting for this guy is evidence of a lack of working brain cells. It would be nonsensical to allow such a person anywhere near something of importance to me.
This card should be printed and handed out to anybody who looks like their ancestors may have hailed from Old Europe. Print it out and take it to your daycare center and pediatrician. Take it to your accountant and physician. Take it to the nursing home if your parents are there. Take it to the principal at your kid’s school.
Yes, this is probably reverse profiling. Maybe it’s even cancel culture. But numbers are numbers.
At the end of the day, it isn’t enough to say you didn’t vote for the guy if you’re in my demographic. You have to tell others not to, as well.
How are we gonna fix things like climate change if we’re constantly chasing our tails just trying to keep this guy out of office? We need better government, and we’ve got just one political party in the country that isn’t crazy. And they’re owned by big companies.
We’re spinning our wheels in a mudslide, but we still gotta do this.
Enough is enough. Take note of the people around you, and call them out if they think voting for an openly defiant insurrectionist is a good idea.
We’ll figure the rest of it out after he’s safely behind bars.
NOTES
The demographic numbers sourced in this story come from the New York Times:
Thanks for reading!
This story was written by a human, not by AI or Grammarly GO (More Info).
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