Offsides

Dear Football (the kind where they use their feet).

We sit for hours watching high-priced talent run around, aimlessly at times, all in the hope one of them will have a moment, put the little ball into the not-so-little net. While this seems to have improved over the years, livelier ball, and fields of plush carpet, we still could use some help. Goals, after all, are what we want to see, the days of the purest 0–0 battles are long gone. I want more goals even if we have to endure the post-goal celebrations.

‘How do we do this?’ you ask. Update the rules, in particular the rules governing the ever-so-annoying offside rules. Changes have been implemented, some good, most confusing at best, who comes up with them?

So here are the required changes not in any order.

1) Get rid of ‘returning from an offside position’ idiocy. If the ball is received and the player is onsides when receiving it, let them play. Where they are when receiving the ball is what matters, not where they were. It’s annoying to watch the linesman, oops Assistant Referee, flapping his flag back and forth as if guiding a jet to the gate.

2) Even is onside, never mind where his big toe is.

3) STOP play when the player is obviously offsides. It’s irresponsible to allow the play to continue in nearly every case, irresponsible and potentially dangerous.

4) This will make purists cringe, oh well. Move offside from the halfway line to around the 25-yard line (you can convert to meters) kinda like they do in ice hockey. This will result in a more open game and, in turn, more goals.

Not too much to ask now, is it? Some good changes like goal kicks inside the box, amongst them, have been made. Let’s keep it going…