On One Hand, I Feel Like I Underappreciate Myself, and On the Other Hand, I Feel Like I’m a Disappointment to My Potential
“I am proud of myself”
What!? Proud of whom!? What!? Hell naw!
Saying these words is so difficult for me, and it’s sad
But first, why is it so difficult for me to say I am proud of myself?
In case you were wondering, it isn’t difficult for me to say “I am proud of myself” because I’m super, super humble. No!
It is because I’m always dissatisfied with my life no matter what I achieve
On one hand I feel like I don’t appreciate myself enough, but on the other hand…man! I feel like I’m a disappointment to my potential.
This is something that has followed me all my life: always expecting more from myself and having a feeling that if I push myself some more, I can outdo myself
Well, so far it turns out to be true, and no matter what I achieve I feel uhmmm….
Nothing!
But please don’t pity me, don’t cry for me because I’m unable to celebrate my achievements or be proud of my wins.
This dissatisfaction is “cool.” Without it, as humans, we won’t have aeroplanes, beds, or even the internet
People were dissatisfied sitting on rocks, so someone said, “fuck it, man! Why don’t I get a piece of wood and hit them together so we can sit more comfortably”
Maybe those weren’t his or her exact words, but uhmm I guess you get the message
Being dissatisfied with my life doesn’t make my life good, or bad, bitter or sweet. It just lets me strive for more and sometimes in ways that are not the best for me mentally or physically
In all of these, it helps me experience things more fully because I always want to get more out of myself through every experience
Someone said every blessing comes with a curse, and uhmm I guess every curse comes with a blessing
Or nothing is a blessing or a curse, but what it is.
One day at a time, I’m learning to be proud of myself and take my wins as they come
But on one hand, I feel like I don’t appreciate myself enough, and on the other, I feel like a disappointment to my potential
Peace and love, my friends!
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