Sniff Roses, Not Glue
In Which I Become a Hobby Dragon
I started a new hobby. I suspect that my actual hobby is collecting hobbies at this point, followed by gathering books and materials for the shiny hobby hoard. If I start sitting on them and hissing at passers-by who may steal them, please set up an intervention. Oh God, I’m a hobby dragon. But my therapist tells me that people with CPTSD have trouble knowing what they like doing, and/or letting themselves enjoy it, so tasked me with trying something new. This makes sense, I think. I can prepare to Hobby but actually Doing The Thing is a step too far. What do you mean, enjoy myself? That’s surely for other people. People who deserve nice th…. Ohhhhh. Gotcha.
So this week I have been mostly learning to make paper flowers.
I’ve Got A Theory
Decision made, I came up with a plan.
- Watch YouTube videos, read a book or two, ok browse a book or two, and gain expertise via other people’s skills.
- Get the stuff together.
- Put on a comfort film or musical, and make flowers!
- Discover I am suddenly instantly incredibly good at this. like woah.
- Become an in-demand paper flower maker. My Instagram page is suddenly very popular and doesn’t only contain cat pictures. Some of the cat pictures have paper flowers in them, too.
- Riches!! (to pay for craft stuff).
Gathering Moss (And Wire)
Craft rabies had got hold of me, so I took a hunting and gathering trip. Patience being a virtue and all that jazz, I discovered I couldn't get florist wire delivered until the next day (omg). Top tip: if you ask a florist if you can buy a little bit of their wire and tape you get some very odd looks, but if you're lucky they will also carefully listen to your crafting plans, gently not notice your wild gesticulating, and sell you a small amount of their stock, probably on the basis that you can’t possibly do that much damage to yourself with it.
Ahahaha.
Back home I set up a film to ignore and lay everything out. No glue gun. My friend says I can borrow one but meh, that’s way too much effort. PVA will do, totally.
The processes for paper flowers vary, but a common method is cutting out petals from templates, using tools to curl the edges, and attaching them to the wire via several methods. Cotton buds make great centres for certain types of flowers, too. Maybe I could craft a beautiful bough of pussy willow, I mused. I was having a great time at this point, cutting, crafting, assembling, using my imagination and instincts to form each flower individually, swearing as the PVA failed to hold…
The cat decided at this point, to ‘help’. Apparently sniffing chopped cotton buds covered in PVA glue, then ironing the petals by shoving her furry arse on them, is helpful. I informed her that catnip was clearly a gateway drug to craft glue sniffing.
Maybe fabric flowers are the way to go. In the middle distance, I see clay, salt dough, and photography beckoning me seductively.
Fear My Flames (Actually No Please Don’t).
CPSD continues to kick my arse. I’m learning, gathering tools, and going into each battle tired, but a little better equipped. One of the biggest things I need to learn is that I’m allowed to not only simply exist, but to have fun, and enjoy myself. Relax. Maybe thrive, one day. But for now, I’m a hobby dragon.
I’m ok with being a dragon. Rargh. Please imagine fire breathing here, but not the destructive kind. In these flames, you see shapes, some elusive and some defined, that show you what your heart really needs, what your mind would enjoy, with no thought of whether you’d be GOOD at it or whether it would be productive. Sheer enjoyment, for the same joy, fun, relaxation, creating new neural pathways. Basically enrichment for humans in your society-imposed environment.
Go, be kind to yourself, and do one nice thing for yourself today. Maybe tell me what it was in the comments, to remind me to do the same when I get the notification.
I’m leaving this open to the public rather than making it followers only, which means I get no shiny pennies via Medium. If you enjoy my ramblings please consider buying me a coffee via https://ko-fi.com/bandagedduck. I’d suggest a bit of cake too, but let’s face it, a bit of gluten-free cake in the Scottish capital could run to A Hecking Lot, so how about I buy my own cake to go with the coffee you might buy me, and I’ll raise my cup in your direction (ish) and try not to remember that I could have bought a really good t-shirt with that money when we were kids.
If you or someone you love might be affected by CPSTD there is help, and it will get better. The Mind website is a good place to start.
