The Fear Paradox: Why Your Biggest Obstacle Can Be Your Greatest Strength
The uncomfortable truth about fear
I do stand up comedy. I have a corporate job and I pursue comedy as a side hobby.
The hardest thing about stand-up comedy is the fear. It plays out in every activity related to this crazy venture. Even in the opening paragraph of this article I had to write “hobby” rather than “career” as I was too damn scared to admit I want it to be a career.
Better to call it a hobby so if I fail I can pretend I never really tried anyway.
Sound familiar?
I want to be a stand-up comedian. But writing those words triggers my adrenal glands and makes me want to recede into the background of life, to be left alone, to hide under a duvet in a warm bed, where all the discomfort and unknowns related to comedy can’t get me.
One of the big problems I’ve experienced in the half decade I’ve been doing it is my disorganisation at booking gigs.
At least, that’s what I thought – until tonight, when I was staring at a blank calendar, I suddenly realised it’s not disorganisation, it’s fear.
Emailing promoters can make me so nervous I’ll have to visit the toilet. My bowels quake even when my headspace is positive. The body doesn’t lie, the emotion will show up physically one way or another.
There’s no way around it, I want this, but the fear surrounding it is so large, I don’t know if I have it in me to do it.
But I try to remind myself that fear shows it’s important, it shows I want it. As Carl Jung wrote:
“Where your fear is, there is your task.” – Carl Jung
I’m not sure if others comics feel this much fear, my fellow performers seem annoyingly chilled out, and some even alarmingly confident.
I’ve been confident at times, but often I’m nervous, sweaty and dry-swallowing my way through the night until it’s my turn on stage.
Fear will have you running from your dreams if you let it. It is a test. How much do you want it?
Fear keeps a million people in their place, a billion perhaps, and it will keep you small too, it will fill you with doubt, it will dull your senses and sharpen itself on your worries.
Fear will have me staring at promoter’s invite for comedians to play at their club before I close the laptop and convince myself that “I’m not ready.”
Author Steven Pressfield calls all of this behaviour “resistance”.
It’s well worth reading his book The War of Art to learn more (it’s super small and easy to digest, a real pleasure, not a slog).
Resistance, according to Pressfield, is one holistic enemy, it shows up everywhere, and he suggests it’s bigger and stronger the more you want something.
He likens it to shadows being cast on the ground. The bigger the dream, the more shadow it will cast.
It took me decades to get on stage.
I didn’t have my first comedy gig until I was 40. And now I’m doing it, the fear hasn’t gone, it’s just displaced, shifted, onto bigger gigs and different promoters.
As over-poeticised as this sounds, I work in the shadow of resistance. That’s the place where you have to be to know you’re pursuing something important.
No one achieved a dream by being comfortable.
Steve Harvey said;
Success is not a comfortable procedure. It is a very uncomfortable thing to attempt. – Steve Harvey
That’s the truth. I’ve found the only solution is understanding you’ve got to get through the suck. You’ve got to face the fear. You’ve got to get uncomfortable. You have to walk through it.
That’s all there is to it.
In every hero’s journey, the hero faces his fear. That’s what heroes do. They slay the dragon, they kill the giant, they win against the odds.
The odds are against you and your dreams. What’s more, no one is coming to help you. You’re on your own.
If you want to be an author, you might have to write a dozen books before someone even says yes to publishing your work. As an actor, you might have 500 auditions before you get a role. No one who has any serious say or influence in your arena will help you or even say encouraging words.
They will be critical.
Encouraging words are reserved for the mouths of parents and well-meaning, polite friends.
A critic, an agent, a promoter, a gallery owner, a theatre production company… they won’t utter a word about you for years, and when they do, it will most likely be constructive criticism.
You have to be your own champion.
You will have to find the mental fortitude within to embark on your hero’s journey, and you’ll have to be the only one to tell yourself to keep going.
No one is coming to save you.
You can have a mentor, but they can’t do the work for you. Ultimately you are fighting the dragon alone.
I’m scared every day. Of everything. That’s the truth.
I used to feel ashamed about that. I thought men shouldn’t be scared. But one day I understood that men are meant to feel scared, because you can only have courage if there is fear – you need the fear to fuel you, and you must forge yourself in its flames, like a sword being folded, toughened and hammered into battle-ready shape.
The more you accomplish, the more your courage and confidence will grow.
Embrace action, build up little victories and fight fear on a daily basis.
There is no easy path. All paths are she’d, so you may as well walk the one that leads to your dream.
Psychology Abraham Maslow said:
“To make the growth choice instead of the fear choice a dozen times a day is to move a dozen times a day towards self-actualisation.” – Abraham Maslow
Fear is multifaceted, it’s why Pressfield lumps it all together as “resistance”. But the more you act, the more you convert that fear into light and fuel.
Each fear conquered leaves space for energy and potential to rush in, and you grow stronger.
Each fear conquered adds to your power.
So go forth and slay your dragons. There’s more than one, and you will have to fight them every day.
It’s terrifying, but what else are you going to do? Not try?
You’re not benefiting anyone by playing it small. Be a light in the shadow. Lead by example. Save yourself.
Good luck, seeker.
