The Real Reason People Want to Knock You Down a Peg
The suicidal mistake that makes you a target of insecure people
All through my 20s & up until my late 30s, I’ve been troubled by people who wished to knock me down.
Know any humans who take pleasure in their nastiness & revel when they manage to take you down a peg? Yes, I became their exclusive target.
The nastiness I faced stopped in my late 30s. Not by a miracle. Rather I stopped it by design. I became somebody others could no longer mess with.
Why did people find it easy to knock me down?
Was it a character flaw in me? Was it something about them that made them nasty bullies?
Whatever triggered the ‘messing with me’ streak, this is how it happened. People would delight in targeting my looks, my actions & my opinions. They enjoyed seeing me deflate at their jibes.
Because I wasn’t discerning in my choice of friends, those I considered close behaved particularly nasty with me. I assumed they had my best interests at heart so I believed their jibes to be true.
Of course, the propensity to tolerate nastiness is sown in childhood.
I’ve talked often about the depression, anxiety & poverty that thrived in my family. Stands to reason I had low self-esteem. I internalized criticism. There were times I almost thanked people for pointing out my flaws.
What is sadder still is that I am not the only one others find easy to knock down.
Many of you are unable to accept our human condition and believe ourselves to be irredeemably flawed. We believe our flaws define us. We wear them like shameful labels. Others can easily knock the air out of us with an unkind word.
But there is space for change. Change happened to me.
Time progressed & middle age brought me the calm & quiet that forced me to think.
I perceived that nobody around me was perfect. Yet, others seemed to get by okay. They were either subject to lesser criticism than I was or had learnt to deal with the criticism better. Now I know the truth is a middle ground. Because there were also those who openly embraced their bad behavior. They were brazen & disowned their flaws. These were probably those humans who did not have ethics & integrity high up in their list of values.
If you can relate a bit to what I am ranting about, you may also know part of the reason why people try to knock you down.
People wish to throw jibes at you & knock you down when they feel threatened by you. It could be your competence, your kindness, or your intelligence that tick them off. Your friends could target you worse than insecure strangers if they consider you a threat. Throwing a jibe at a friend is subtle aggression to ensure they don’t get ahead.
But this is only part of the truth.
If people aim to knock you down only because they are insecure, everyone would be a fair target. But some of us are in reality targeted more than others. Not everyone is subject to as much scrutiny & judgment.
Why then do insecure people aim to knock you down exclusively?
The real reason is also a behavior trait you can work on, which makes it useful to know.
People target you because you are vulnerable & open, but lack the confidence to own your flaws.
Vulnerability is great. It makes us human. It helps us connect with others. Vulnerability is all the rage thanks in part to Brene Brown. But if your vulnerability is not accompanied by self-compassion & self-acceptance, you feel the constant need to be perfect. Your castles crumble down in the face of the slightest of storms.
You have borne criticism silently with gritted teeth & a false smile for way too long. Why don’t you try to work on the self-acceptance that you need to accompany your vulnerability & make you invincible?
I am a freelance writer interested in working with ordinary brands that embrace the extraordinary values of ethics, integrity & kindness. I want to be your voice if you want to make the world a better place with your product or service. Know more about me at Hello! — Freelance Copywriter (ethicalbadass.com)
