The Things Old Dudes Don’t Know
It would fill a book
I’m here on a visit to Florida with my 88-year-old father, and since I haven’t shared a living space with the male of the species in quite some time, I’m reminded of the things old dudes don’t know. Now, don’t get me wrong. My dad is just as sharp cognitively as ever. But he was raised during the Depression, so parsimony runs deep in him. And throughout his entire life, women have taken care of him. However, there is always time to learn new things.
1.) Chocolate cake left on the counter for 10 days is no good. I can’t eat wheat, so I can’t eat it. You won't either if you haven’t eaten it in ten days. Toss it, or don’t fuss at me when I do.
2.) The inner plastic insert of your stainless steel trash can is there to be removed and washed frequently. It stinks less if you do.
3.) You really do need to wipe down the little knobs on your cabinets every so often.
4.) And the handles and front door of your refrigerator.
5.) Salad dressing is not catsup and shouldn’t be poured on everything I cook.
6.) You are not eating a low-salt, low-sugar diet when you are downing the second chocolate cake you bought with ice cream every day and pouring store-bought salad dressing on the low-sugar, low-fat, low-carb food I make you. Do you want me to snitch on you to your cardiologist?
7.) You could drink more water, which you should if you didn’t pour store-bought salad dressing on everything.
8.) One roll of toilet paper and one roll of paper towels will not last for the three weeks of my visit.
9.) You need more food in your freezer than three slices of old pizza, the six chicken breasts you cooked in December, two packages of frozen vegetables, and one carton of cherry and chocolate ribbon ice cream.
10.) The dishwasher works better when you turn it on.
Tell me your stories, readers!
