THE VERY FOREIGN NEWS DESK
Up Next on Fox, News and Weather From Earth Two! And a Special Report You Shouldn’t Believe!
It’s different over there
For my liberal friends who wonder if conservatives live on another planet, that’s the best way to think about it.
Call it Earth Two.
Watching Fox News is about as helpful as living in Venice, California, and checking out Il notiziario delle 18 from Venice, Italy — nothing they say makes sense, and for some reason a hot TV presenter is standing hip-deep in water in front of a big church.
It’s not that conservatives lie, per se. Things just work differently where they live. If you or I drop a rock, it falls. Because, you know, gravity. On Earth Two, the rock might rise, fall, or shoot off at an angle — ideology determines the physics. And no one will raise an eyebrow if it does something else tomorrow.
Consider Fox’s annual “War on Christmas.”
Earth Two is like A Quiet Place if the monsters were drawn by the sound of carols. Persecuted Real Americans cower as Communist W.O.K.E. missiles roar overhead and gangs of burly trans athletes terrorize the streets. Anyone saying Merry Christmas will be deported. Santa is in intensive care, hanging on by a thread.
