What Is Your Earliest Memory of Rejection?
All the shapes and sizes of rejection
Before now, I had never really thought about Rejection. Even now, I do not know how to explain it.
The only way I can define it is that Rejection only happens when you want something.
Rejection never happens to:
- those who do not ask,
- and to those who never apply.
In a nutshell, it does not happen to those who do not put themselves out there.
My earliest introduction to Rejection was tied to my mum.
I remember wanting stuff like biscuits, sweets, milk, etc. I would be scared to ask my mum, not because she would beat me for asking. But because I was afraid of Rejection. I was scared of her telling me, “no, you could not have it.”
My Mum denying me stuff always made me feel bad.
As we began to interact with the world, not only did our mothers reject us, but our peers and teachers at school began to do it.
We felt rejection whenever we asked our friends to play with us, and they refused.
Our school teachers showed us rejection every single time they rejected our requests.
We gradually realized that there was a possibility of Rejection behind every request.
And when rejected, you would often wish you did not even ask. Because the feeling of putting yourself out there and getting rejected is worse than the feeling of not doing anything.
This caused us to develop hesitation and doubts about doing stuff.
- We began to tell ourselves we would not get it, so why bother trying?
- We would not get accepted, so there is no need to apply for the role.
This habit of questioning ourselves takes root in our adult years. And did adulthood make the Rejection less?
“NO”
These are the stages we humans face full-blown rejection:
We want a college we put in our very best. A few weeks later, the rejection letter sits pretty in our mail, waiting for us to get crushed.
We are in college, and there is this particular course we need to pass badly. We read and pull an all-nighter, but we still fail or barely pass in the end. Disappointment.
We graduate in time to get a job. We apply left, right, and center. At the end of the day, we do not get a callback or get bunches of rejection letters.
We start the freelancer career. And every day that passes without receiving an offer at Upwork, the feeling that you are not good enough multiplies.
We start dating. The boy we want does not want us, and the girls we desire do not see us. Heartbreak.
In fact, we begin to feel rejected even without putting ourselves out there because of the number of times we have gotten rejected.
We get scared of putting ourselves out there because of the fear of Rejection. We avoid people, places, and opportunities because Rejection is like a punch to the tummy we did not see coming.
We are fond of saying better we try stuff than not trying them at all. Looking at it from a different angle, sometimes trying stuff hurt badly. And most times, what you do not know cannot kill you.
One sad thing about rejection is no one gets used to it. In this aspect, the Hope intrinsic to all humans is our poison.
So, we keep hoping request after request, and when things go south, we feel it all over again. New and raw, a different wound. Eating away at our self-confidence and messing with our mental health.
Then two things happen: you get used to the rejection or rise above it.
For those who get used to it, this scenario plays out:
They get used to the rejection but not the hurt attached to rejection. And because of this, they stop putting in the hard work.
They let themselves become mediocre. Giving the excuse that they would still get rejected after all.
They feel sorry for themselves because all the rejections have proven that they are not good enough. With time they develop the habit of not putting themselves out there.
Remember when I said you still feel rejected even if you do not put yourself out there? This happens to them.
This time around, the rejection nests within them and becomes a part of them. It is a sorry sight to behold.
For those willing to rise above rejection, this happens:
To be clear, rising above rejection does not mean telling yourself it will get better and that the one who rejected you missed a gem. No, this is not it; instead, this is called pitypathy.
Rising above rejection is developing yourself. It is about making yourself so good at that thing you want to be accepted as. So as, the next time you apply, it will be so difficult to be ignored.
When you reduce your chances of getting rejected, you have developed the art of rising above Rejection.
Where is all this coming from, Illinto&Dicinto?
We just got rejected again.
Twice this year now, and we were so so hopeful about getting accepted. We did everything right. Followed instructions to a T.
We can still picture ourselves sitting in the dining section last December as we both went back and forth about the application process. “Come January we would get picked,” we parroted. Smiling and running our perfect words through Grammarly.
Come January, some people get letters but nothing for us in our emails.
Rejected!
We told ourselves that one of our New Year goals was to get rejected as many times as possible. We thought we were ready for it. To tell you the truth, we are not prepared.
Whom were we trying to fool? Our gullible minds? No one gets used to Rejection except you are a masochist, and you look forward to receiving pain.
So here we are, throwing a mental and literal tantrum over our Rejection. Feeling the bone-crushing, mood-ruining deep disappointment that escorts Rejection all the time.
Do you want to know something weird?
Right now, we have another Cohort application opened. Yes, we are going to shamelessly apply again.
Putting our very best and pouring all our hearts into the application.
Maybe we are the masochist we referenced earlier who loves the idea of pain (smiling mischievously).
And you know what they say about Hope?
She is one huge Motherfucker. Gasps.
Right from when we were babies, Rejection has come in different forms and sizes. To all our 179 FAITHFULS, may you all have the heart to rise above Rejection.
We owe last week an article. Sigh. Let us see if we can make up for it this week. Thank you for stopping by.
