Whoever is Delighted in Solitude is Either a Beast or a God
Stop Adding, Start Deleting
It seems such a formidable feat, being alone, because society bludgeons into our collective consciousness that no man or woman is an island, that a solitary existence is a cruel and unusual punishment meted out by a vengeful god for unpardonable sins.
Most people feel a nearly intolerable sense of emptiness when they are alone, especially with nothing specific to do.
Almost every activity is more enjoyable with another person around, and less so when one does it alone.
However, you don’t know how extremely easy it is to be alone.
- Travelling in a country where you know no one and you don’t speak the language = you are alone.
- Wake yourself in the middle of the night, just sit in the dark = you are alone.
- Go into the bathroom, just close the door = you are alone.
- Get in your car, close the door next to your seat = you are alone.
- When you are asleep (even though you may be sharing a bed with a loved person) = you are alone.
Thus, solitude can happen to anyone: we are all at risk. There is no number of followers on Medium, contacts, connections, or financial provision that can guarantee to protect us from it.
If you cannot find any regular solitude, any way to be alone, within the rhythm of your ordinary life, then at some level you might be avoiding it.
According to this context, there are two kinds of people.
On the one hand, there is the vast majority who fear loneliness and make whatever compromises necessary to avoid it, who would rather be with someone— anyone—than be alone.
What’s the first thing many people do when they feel their life is unbalanced? They start adding :
I should get a dog. I need to do more charity work. I have to help my friends move. I’m supposed to go to this party.
Now they don’t have time for the one thing they really want, so they have to give up other things just to keep up :
I’ll sleep less. I can get up at 3 a.m. I’ll work out before dawn. I’ll stay up extra late and work all night. I can get it all done.
No, you can’t.
Stop adding. Start deleting.
On the other hand, there are those who don’t need socialization and are desperately in need of isolation. These people don’t need to be with others to feel actualized, they relish their solitude—the freedom, openness, and nonconformity it brings to their lives.
Everything and everyone doesn’t merit equal time and attention.
If you’re going to have more time for what you want, you’re going to have less time for :
- the friends who need to fill you in on their daily life dramas,
- the group texts with fifty people who think it’s their job to entertain the group all day,
- the colleagues who love to have meetings that resolve nothing.
“It’s important”, they say. Not to me, you think.
Delete.
Many activities are predominantly solitary. When you want to do something creative, something that feels important to you, you’ll realize that you will not be able to pay proper attention unless you find some solitude.
Constant interruptions, the demands of others, endless connections, and conversations, make it difficult to focus. It is very difficult to accomplish any task that requires undivided concentration.
A person who rarely gets bored, who does not constantly need a favorable external environment to enjoy the moment, has passed the test for having achieved a creative life.
If being alone is seen as a chance to accomplish goals that cannot be reached in the company of others, then instead of feeling lonely, you will enjoy solitude and might be able to achieve the results and wellness you seek.
Our fast-paced society does not approve of solitude; being alone is antisocial and some even find it sinister.
Everyone needs some human relationships. Love and friendship are, of course, an important part of what makes life worthwhile. But they are not the only source of happiness, everyone also needs some kind of fulfillment which is relevant to oneself alone.
When you’re driven to obtain meaningful things for your life, it’s extremely difficult to create meaningful space for anything else.
