You’re More Than the Bare Minimum
Giving and accepting the bare minimum can be equally effortless.
There was a time when I allowed the bare minimum to define my worth.
I couldn’t bring myself to demand more because I questioned my own worthiness and felt inadequate in reciprocation.
It was self-projection.
I had a tendency to internalize my experiences, preventing me from meaningful self-reflection.
It stunned my growth.
My approach to dating and developing my relationships suffered as a result.
However, I reached a point where I craved more.
I yearned for richer, more fulfilling connections, which led me to stop settling for the bare minimum, both in my relationships and, more crucially, within myself.
I established clear standards, starting with me.
Why is it important?
Our standards are a reflection of our self-worth and self-perception, indicative of the confidence we possess in ourselves.
They represent our ability to stand unwavering in what we value and how we allow others to value us.
Upon reflection, there was a visible distinction between who I was when I settled for the bare minimum and the version of myself I aspired to be.
During that time, my dissatisfaction extended not only to myself but also to my relationships, both existing and new.
The misalignment between my true values and my acceptance of less than I deserved created a discordant tone in my life.
To bridge this gap, I embarked on a journey of growth.
It led me to a point where I could articulate the path to genuine happiness for myself.
Why do we accept the bare minimum?
Accepting the bare minimum is tempting; it demands little effort and often feels comfortable.
However, this tendency often stems from our struggle to believe we deserve better.
It’s a mindset that begs for transformation.
Set your minimum standards deliberately.
If it helps, put them down in writing (a practice I always recommend).
Contemplate the non-negotiable aspects of your relationships and the unwavering principles you hold for yourself.
It serves as the blueprint for achieving your aspirations and maintaining the discipline necessary to do so.
Do you subscribe to the belief that you are what you attract?
I believe you are what you choose to keep.
We encounter various people in different spaces and times, often beyond our control.
However, it’s when we consciously choose the spaces we inhabit that we gain agency in our lives.
With that said, I believe we all aspire to reach a point where we understand ourselves well enough to avoid situations that hinder our personal growth and prevent us from experiencing the best others have to offer.
Throughout my personal journey, I maintained a set of standards for myself, even if they were initially low (they were standards).
These standards governed my interactions and laid the foundation for the precedent I set for myself that fostered my growth and enhanced my experiences.
Bare Minimum in Friendships
What kind of friend are you?
Start by examining your own qualities as a friend and consider the kind of friend you aspire to be.
This self-reflection can help you align your behavior with the traits you value in friendship.
As we age and gain experience in friendships, we come to understand our own needs and expectations as friends. This insight also enables us to consider what our friends may require from us.
It’s important to acknowledge that none of us are perfect; we all have our flaws.
Recognizing these imperfections is a natural part of being human.
The key is the desire to improve.
We should strive to become better versions of ourselves, in line with our own vision of improvement.
Personally, I had specific attributes I aimed to embody as a friend.
I valued qualities such as being understanding, non-judgmental, and supportive.
Additionally, I had certain expectations for my friendships. I sought friends who were kind, loving, and open.
Many of our friendships may form by circumstance, but as we grow, the longevity of our friendships becomes a matter of choice.
Our relationships evolve alongside us, and we start to notice shifts, both positive and negative, that reflect the individuals we are becoming.
Bare Minimum in Relationships
As you enter situations with people you set the layout for what you want to accept.
You set the standard and you need to be the one to maintain it.
One common pitfall is falling prey to the allure of potential.
In my previous blog “Committing to Potential”, I explored how potential can lead us to remain in situations, hoping that people will transform into the individuals we envision them to be.
It is a slippery slope that sometimes keeps us stuck and expecting things from others that they might be incapable of providing.
Recognizing this pattern is the first step.
It’s essential to take a step back and assess your own desires and needs in a partner.
Ultimately, it all comes back to you and your own standards and self-worth.
Recognizing and comprehending your self-worth serves as the initial stepping stone.
It’s the foundation upon which you construct your values, forming the basis for building enduring relationships.
Consistency is key.
If your desire is to be with someone affectionate, seek out individuals who naturally make you feel cherished, or who are willing to put in the effort required to meet your emotional needs.
However, it’s crucial to remember that they must choose to do so willingly.
Trying to force someone who isn’t naturally inclined toward affection, and who isn’t motivated to change, will likely not fulfill your needs.
This can be considered your minimum standard.
If you find yourself in a relationship where your partner doesn’t provide the level of affection you require and isn’t willing to compromise, it may be time to reevaluate the relationship.
Bare Minimum in Ourselves
Who do you want to be?
Seriously, if you could describe the perfect version of yourself, what attributes would you have?
Figure it out and stick to that.
It is your blueprint.
Your starting point.
Your goal.
What’s your bare minimum?
At the very core of your being, what standards would you set for yourself?
Fear
A subtle fear often accompanies the desire for something different.
It’s the fear of embracing change.
The fear of feeling that you deserve better.
The fear of placing a value on your self-worth.
But here’s the truth: You deserve to become the best version of yourself that you aspire to be.
You also deserve the best from others, and let grace accompany those expectations.
It’s essential to acknowledge that no one is perfect, and I say this with utmost humility, acceptance, and vulnerability.
Our pursuit isn’t perfection; it’s about living the life we are meant to and want to live.
Require more for yourself.
-Shei
