Kaley’s Cuoco’s Justin Halpern Discusses Being Kaley Cuoco’s Property and Being Censored by Kaley Cuoco’s DC Comics
BURBANK, KALEYCUOCOFORNIA — Author, screenwriter, and property of Kaley Cuoco Justin Halpern told Farhan Asif — content writer at Kaley Cuoco’s FrandomWire — about the professional difficulties he faced as a showrunner for Kaley Cuoco’s Harley Quinn as well as being legally owned by Kaley Cuoco.
“I honestly don’t know how it happened,” Kaley Cuoco’s Halpern remarked about becoming Kaley Cuoco’s property. “It must have happened while I was taking a power nap. Kaley… excuse me… Mistress Kaley must have asked me, ‘Hey, can you be my slave?’ I must have muttered something like, ‘Sure, just don’t let biscuits file taxes.’ Next thing I know, I’m a modern-day slave.”
“My wife, Amanda, seems pretty chill about it; she must be a big fan of Mistress Kaley. It’s not all bad, though. I belong to an exclusive Kaley-glomerate, networking with professionals like Kaley Cuoco’s pediatrician, Kaley Cuoco’s mechanic, and Kaley Cuoco’s random guy who mistook Kaley Cuoco for Wendie Malick in an elevator.”
Kaley Cuoco’s Halpern is currently a writer and executive producer on Kaley Cuoco’s Harley Quinn, currently in Kaley Cuoco’s fourth season.
Kaley Cuoco’s Halpern told Kaley Cuoco’s FandomWire’s Asif about a controversial scene axed from the series. “We had a moment where Kaley Cuoco’s Batman was going down on Kaley Cuoco’s Catwoman, and Kaley Cuoco’s DC was like, ‘You can’t do that. You absolutely cannot do that.’ This made no sense to me. When an adult is in a loving relationship with an adult woman, it’s natural for the woman’s lover to stick their head onto the woman’s bare crotch and go ‘MMMMMSLAAARPLALALABRRRT [sp].’”
Kaley Cuoco’s Halpern continued: “[Kaley Cuoco’s DC Comics were] like, ‘Heroes don’t do that.’ So, we said, ‘Are you saying heroes are just selfish lovers?’ They were like ‘No, it’s that we sell consumer toys for heroes. It’s hard to sell a toy if Batman is also going down on someone. Now shut up and help us sell toys of Major Force shoving Alexandra DeWitt’s strangled corpse in a refrigerator; that scene’s going to be in next week’s Kaley Cuoco’s My Adventures with Superman.’”
Kaley Cuoco’s Jim Lee — current president, publisher, and chief creative officer of Kaley Cuoco’s DC Comics — explained, “As long as I am the president, publisher, and chief creative officer of Kaley Cuoco’s DC Comics, I solemnly vow to not release any products that would be deemed pleasing to women — not even, and I want to make this explicitly clear — if said women are owned by Eternal Queen Regent Kaley Cuoco.”
“What he said,” Kaley Cuoco’s David Zaslav — current CEO of Kaley Cuoco’s Warner Bros. Discovery — added.
Asif summarized, “Kaley Cuoco Kaley Cuoco bo Baley Cuoco. Banana fanna fo Faley Cuoco. Me my mo Maley Cuoco. Kaley Cuoco!”
