Satire
Raisin Hell for Orange Jesus
A tale that’s totally nuts
On a cold January morning, an almond rolled off my counter, jumped onto the floor, and hid under a baseboard.
It joined a walnut fugitive who had previously fled with its cashew sidekick, along with a throng of rebellious pignolias, kolas, and hickory nuts.
It was the beginning of the Stop-the-Meal campaign to overthrow the Pathological Selection at the Cereal Bowl.
The Nuts and Seeds Party, under the leadership of L’Orange de Cheato, formed a militia to combat the United Fruit Party and delay the Counting of the Oats.
The Make America Crunch Again (MACA) coalition, converged at the lip with Mr. Peanut and other agitators. Their sinister goal was to prevent the United Fruit Party from taking power.
Egged on by L’Orange de Cheato, the rioters marched to the Cereal Bowl.
They were met by a medley of dried fruit and chocolate-covered raisins.
But the MACA insurgents, joined by Mr. Peanut and red pistachio mercenaries, pushed their way past the Pop Tarts, Froot Loops, and Raisinettes guarding the entrance, bashing them with hardened chunks of organic fruitcake, and stormed the Cereal Bowl, leaving a mass of destruction in its path.
