Zack Snyder Defeats Darkseid With Some Minor Assistance From the Justice League
Original: https://collider.com/zack-snyder-justice-league-trilogy-4k-re-release-date/
METROPOLIS, IL — Film director, producer, screenwriter, cinematographer, and superhero Zack Snyder successfully thwarted Darkseid’s attempt to invade Earth, sending the evil god back to Apokolips.
“CURSE YOU, ZACK SNYDER!” Darkseid yelled as a boom tube pulled him back to his home world. “I will put an end to you and your filmography if it’s the last thing I do! YOU. WILL. DIE. And so will your sidekick. Y’know… that guy with the ‘S’ on his chest. What’s his name? Deadpool or something….”
Zack Snyder’s superpowers include crafting award-winning movies, resistance to internet trolls, and being able to guess how many jellybeans are in a jar with a 0.01% margin of error.
“Mr. Snyder is sooooo dreamy,” Wonder Woman swooned. “All hope in for Earth was lost until Mr. Snyder guided us to victory. Also, before he started working on our movies, I was to be portrayed by Roseanne Barr instead of Gal Gadot. Talk about dodging a speeding bullet.”
“Zack Snyder’s Justice League” is scheduled for a physical release in the fall of 2023. Future planned physical releases include remasters of “Zack Snyder’s Sucker Punch,” “Zack Snyder’s Leave Virginia Alone,” and “Zack Snyder’s Assembly Instructions for Ikea’s Granhult.”
“Zack Snyder is the best thing to happen to the DC Universe since Angel and the Ape,” Batman explained. “He helped me overcome the grief stemming from the death of my parents: Kevin Conroy and Adam West.”
Despite Zack Snyder’s historic victory over Darkseid, the superhero and movie creator has faced pushback from critics.
The former mayor of Gotham City, the Joker (D-Depends on Who’s Telling His Origin Story), stated, “Just because Zack Snide-Derp wears a vest and tie instead of a cape and undies over his pants doesn’t make him any less dangerous — or silly — than those other would-be superheroes. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to set my stepson’s bully and his miserable family on fire. I take my parenting obligations seriously.”
Slade Wilson, active member of Task Force X, vowed, “Task Force X will hunt Zack Snyder down. Then we’re going to force-feed all of Zack’s films to him. Then we’ll force-feed Zack to a group of orphans. Then we’ll jam those orphans onto a bus rigged to explode. And we’ll make damn sure that that bus doesn’t have working air-conditioning. Because we’re the good guys.”
Universe-destroyer Anti-Monitor stammered, “… Holy shit. Slade is NUTS. Keep that freak away from me!”
