Good News for Introverts: The Myths of Networking
Every career talk or discussion I’ve ever been to at some point will mention the importance of networking. I can’t remember a single time when someone was like, ‘nah, networks are useless.’ If you asked me, I’d also say that networks are more valuable than almost anything else — someone in my network referred me to the head hunter that hooked me up with my current job, someone else in my network suggested I start blogging, another member of my network hooked me up with the founder of the startup I worked at previously and the list goes on. While I’m sure it is possible to go through life without a professional network, I’m also sure it would be much more difficult. All of this said, as an introvert, I always cringe when someone talks about networking. Looking back at my career so far though, I’m starting to realize that networking is a lot more than my previously limited, misconstrued stereotype of it. Even introverts like me can build a large and powerful network without it being terrible.
Myth 1: Networking Events Are Everything
Everyone talks about networking events. We should go to networking events. How to meet people at networking events. We should meet lots of new people at networking events. We should host networking events. I’m sure networking events can be very valuable for some people, but personally I’ve gotten very little out of networking events. Like I mentioned, I’m an introvert. I hate talking to new people, so networking events are my personal hell. That said, every so often I try to force myself to go to one of these and if I’m feeling really ambitious, I try to talk to new people who I don’t know. Of these forced interactions, I’ve had a meaningful conversation with only a small percentage of all of those probably very interesting people. Of those meaningful conversations, I’ve gotten contact information or a linkedin connection for even fewer. Of those, I’ve never had a follow up conversation and never felt comfortable enough to contact one of those people for something. So, while I certainly meet people at networking events, I don’t actually find these valuable for growing my network. While I probably won’t stop going to networking events, I no longer see meeting new people as a goal for these events. I’m relieved to now realize that despite my dismal attempts at getting to know people at networking events, I still have a flourishing network.
Myth 2: Strengthening Your Existing Connections Isn’t Networking
I find myself feeling that going to a networking event is a work activity, but going on a fun outing with my team isn’t. Likewise, hanging out with co-workers or former co-workers doing shared interests (running, board games, yes, even drinking) certainly isn’t networking. Or is it? Let’s back up a moment. The times that I’ve tapped my network, I’ve gone first to my close friends who also happen to be in a similar field. Many of these people are current or former coworkers and a few of them are classmates from college but all of them are people who I’ve spent time with doing non-work things. These are the people I go to for advice or to share war stories or to hook me up with an intro to someone who can help me with whatever I’m currently looking for. I go to them first because I know them. I feel comfortable asking them for something without worrying about how it will change what they think of me or worrying that they’ll suddenly expect something crazy in return. Likewise, if one of these people were to ask me for something, I would go out of my way to help them. Meanwhile there are messages on my linkedin profile from strangers that are still unanswered (sorry!). Building closer connections to people you already know can be more important than expanding your network.
Myth 3: Networks Only Include People You’ve Met
This is going to sound directly counter to the previous myth, but you don’t actually have to have even met someone for them to be in your network. I’ve found that one of the pieces of my network that is extremely valuable is my sorority’s alum email list. Women have asked the group for recommendations or support for everything from health problems to career advice (e.g. how to figure out how much you’re worth) to legal advice and usually get a lot of quality answers. Some of these women I know well, but there are a huge number of women on there that I’ve never met. I realize not everyone is lucky enough to have been in something like my sorority, but find your group — this might be through something like Systers or Leap if you’re a woman in tech or it could be a company or school alum group. If you can’t find one, don’t be afraid to build your own — one of my friends (and former coworker) started a slack group of her favorite former coworkers and some of us have added on to it with some of our favorite people and I’m sure it will keep growing. Build or find your extended family and don’t be afraid to leverage them.
Myth 4: Coworkers Don’t Make Good Network Connections
It can be easy to get the idea that coworkers or other people who run in the same circles as you aren’t good network connections. After all, part of the point of a network is to help connect you to someone who knows or has the thing you’re looking for, so the more diverse the set of people your people know, the more people you’ll be one connection away from. So from one standpoint, it’s true, coworkers and classmates aren’t useful connections. That said, that takes the very short term view of the situation. In my current job at Box, I’ve become very close to a number of people over the years, many of whom I still keep in close contact with. While at the time that I met and got to know them, much of our circles were overlapping, most of these people have now moved on to different companies and have whole new circles that I can now tap into. Just because they were very similar to me when I met them didn’t mean that they stayed that way. I now have a broad and diverse network spanning a large number of companies even though it didn’t start out that way.
The one thing that isn’t a myth is having a strong network takes some work and attention. You have to give back to your network, when others ask for help. You have to strengthen your relationships. The good news is that this doesn’t have to be a chore. The friend that hooked me up with the startup was someone we would get lunch with regularly and talk about (almost entirely) non-work related things. They happened to know I was looking for a job and happened to know a startup co-founder trying to hire. The person that hooked me up with the head hunter was someone I knew vaguely on my sorority list who responded when I asked if anyone’s companies were hiring. The person who encouraged me to blog was a skip level manager that I had at my company. Just getting to know the people you’ve already met and already like can get you most of the way there. Happy Networking!
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